It is so good to hear from others who despite feeling the struggles of life is still hungry for finding God in a deeper way. I think we all want healing, peace, and intimacy with God. I am so glad we can share the journey and share our insights as we grow.
It is not God's will for us to wonder in the wilderness. There must be paths into the promised land. Of course for the Israelites it was obedience. The new testament upholds the law of the old testament, but puts forwards higher commandments and from these commandments/recommendations all other commandments are naturally kept.
Love the lord thy God with all your heart soul and mind
Love thy neighbor as yourself
Spread the gospel, heal the sick, feed the poor...
Develop faith to move mountains
Receive the holy spirit and move in the fruit of the spirit
Sorry for the paraphrasing. Anyone who wants to is welcome to correct if need be.
I really appreciate that questing in you and in all of us. I hope we can all figure out how to move deeper and deeper into fulfilling these and that God's plan for our lives, which does not include illness, can manifest.