Part of dealing with this is staying strong. You gotta get a game plan on how you going to save yourself, I would start by working my self, addressing diet. Your answer is out there. I know your disassociated feeling. Investigate parasites, you have ticked al the boxes for someone who has a major parasite burden. Start researching.you have a precious human life don't waste it. Blessings. Get tough. You can do it.