eating all raw, quite sugar, quite p 0 r n. Motiavation went throught the roof. Slowly gaining my some self confidence again. went looking for a second job despite smelling awful most of the time... f***, i keep falling into my vices. I dont even know anymore, this choas this struggle the battles i have to fight everyday. I got so many problems i want to fix about myself, but i keep pushing them aside, using sweets, binge eating and p 0 r n as a form of escapism those are my worse to give up i literally grew up on them. As soon as i quit these it seems like life is coming at me and all my damn problems seem to surface and i have to try and deal with them.
Its so hard to try and change. I know i can, i view myself as a constant changing person. I've been through many phases in my life. I don't want to stay the same, but its so hard when no one is there for you or understanding of your situation. If i had someone by my side, a girfriend i probably would make it by and life would seem to have meaning again.
But instead i have become a shadow of myself, i can't possibly imagine ever being comfortable being around people again, especially girls. It just baffles me to no end how i probably will live this kind of life on repeat. People avoiding me, talking behind my back when they act nice to my face. sweating in proximity of people.
Yet i have very good qualities and talents that are almost all gone to waste. No one to share with i stick to myself. The life of a lonesome i have become.