It is not you although you may inadvertently attract such men (mo than you attracting them). many abusers are psychopaths.
they tend to be attracted to women who are supper and very highly empathic like the top 10% of the woman in empathy..there is a book called women who love psychopaths and someone told me that about the book.
I was with a prince charming who turned out to be an abuser and I researched it very seriously and discovered that only 3% ever change and only if they have a lot of insight, do not put blame on the other person and have essentially lost everything (spouse, family, maybe even job and have jail time and then only with a lot of counseling but most dont think it is them..they think the faults you.
Read the book the gift of fear and take that test for him...mine had all of the factors/traits but maybe 2
Most of these end up badly--one of the parties killed or every seriously injured..Be cautious of doing restraining orders as often the man ups the violence maybe does rape or hows up with a gun if he never did before..most women are not killed in staying but in leaving.
I would contact a domestic violence line and go into hiding moving and trying to get lost from him while he is there in jail..they will tell you want you need to pack etc. and offer support,
Tell groups too but you must get out of there no matter what..it will be hard as we always see them with that good part that helps blind us to the bad part and they use the honeymoon stage to get you back and all their promises only to do it all again.
They must be in control and the longer you stay the more it will ruin your life..if you have kids, they may well either be abused if girls and abusers if boys..please get them out of there.
It is hard to break up with someone you love but you must look in your heart ind the resolve to leave and dont look back...better to be alone than with men like this. You have to be strong..in the long run you will be happier even if you don;t think so
it is not you but besides empathetic, kind women they also often chose highly successful women.
they also look for women they think they can control and they test you..I did not think I was controllable but looking back saw times I did things I did not want to do and see how he tested me in advance or like groom you.
He will never love you as you wish only maybe pretend to...and jealousy is a symptom. I would get domestic violence counseling to try to be more aware of things in your personality which might keep you there as seriously, you have got to leave..the stories I heard in these groups and what I went through make me so so glad I left nd I pray he never finds me as often even if they marry, they still come back and do things like break in your house or kill your dog.
Don't worry any more about is it me (no) did I provoke it (no) and do you attract men like this (maybe) but what you need to worry about exclusively now is getting into individual and group counseling at the domestic violence agencies, making plans on how to leave asap and try to not be found anymore and getting out of there even i it involves moving..read that book gift of fear maybe library has and look for signs of these men before you get very involved so you know what to look for --they are generally very very charming, often abused and permanently damaged and very jealous and so much more.
I really hope you will get the courage to leave him/./.call this prayer chain to get the courage, right people to counsel you and safety to leave and not look back please
I am going to send a private message and send a prayer line number I had very good luck with.. I have had up to 85% or 90% answers to prayer but dont pray he will change as this is just not going to happen..they have very little insight into themselves and if a psychotic they have no feelings for others and only have the ability to pretend they do..using others and power and control is at the helm. I stayed way too long hoping he would change and things got very bad and I am grateful I got away from this guy. I am alone but not near as stressed out as was being with him.
oh and dont have a listed phone number get your name off line as best as you can, and use a man;s name if you have to list the phone due to extra phone charges. keep records to.
Don't think he will not really hurt you as this is not assured by many means..if he will never change do you want a life like that..dont at least you are not married to him so i will be easier legally to leave and stuff.
those neighbors helped you so much by helping get him in jail to make it easier for you to get help and leave..dont lose this opportunity god opened up for you...dont waste what they did at risk to themselves...use this as your chance maybe your last one to get out...please leave. I am sue you deserve better than this even if you do not think so..you did not cause this..this happened long ago and you are just a recipient and I bet there were other women before you that he abused.
You might notget everything answered if you do this but this could be very bad as the violence nearly always escalates. Just do all you can to not think of him or limit the time you think of him..do things to keep you busy for awhile and dont think you can help or change him...if oyu need to help due to being a compassionate empathetic person, try to help a kid being abused and prevent them becoming an abuser as he is beyond the help..as I said only a tiny number ever get better. This helped me to leave knowing that.
ok check your inbox for that phone number to prayer line