Re: Need Advice

That is horrible..but I would be very cautious about filing a restraining orders..read the book the gift of fear library may have it. anyone in a relationship with an abuser needs to read in that book why filing retaining order might get them killed or up the violence of what he does.

These men often had secret lives and good standing in the community and often only the women or the kids living there know what monsters they are.

restraining order only work if the man is afraid of potential arrest and most find there need to abuse and control stronger than that, so oftne they work to up the violence.

I would after reading that book never file a restraining order..i was terrified my abuser would find me but never filed a restraining order and have been safety out over 10 years...with no restraining order..this is generally when women are killed or experience a new violence the man never did maybe rape or showing up with a gun..it is just a piece of paper really and only good in cases where the man fears going to jail and is just pesky and wont give up no matter what you say. not violent.

The sad thing is you can't change the women they have to come to the conclusion themselves.

she needs to get info form domestic violence hotline and if he is not there and cant trace the phone call them to talk and ask about the domestic violence traits though the book has what to look for and the honeymoon phase and how to make a plan To escape but if nay way he will be there or she will tell him. dont go and just pray about her.

the men are real charmers and good adept at knowing what women want..nearly all of the women in my domestic violence group at the tme called them things like prince charming, the best guy I ever dated, the man of my dreams, noon can match him but this is just to lure oyu in and you never get that guy Again only if you are the new girl or you are leaving and he is trying to woo you back then he will go violent again..it is hard for her to leave as she still sees that guy too and hopes he will come back to that if she can only do the "right thing" or be who he wants etc. Only 3% of these men ever change and only if they have tremendous insight and have lost everything and been in jail and really want to change badly..odds are he does not and see needs to get out of there but you cant do that for her. You have been threatened by someone you know is violet to women and need to stay away for tour own safety. it is also harder to leave if you are married and he holds the money or have kids but kids the boys oftne are abusers when grown and the girls abused so they need to do it for their kids if they cant for themselves

going to a domestic violence group or individual counseling through them can help if she ever ants to do that and can get away without risk

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