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Re: Have you noticed a change in personality since this started?
whyme42 Views: 1,629
Published: 8 years ago
This is a reply to # 2,253,846

Re: Have you noticed a change in personality since this started?

That's very interesting Luckyhope...

I think it's impossible to have FBO and not see a change in the way you think and act. Maybe it's because we have a lot of bottled up anger, or it might be a defense mechanism against others' subtle (sometimes not so subtle), cruelty.
It's common I guess :/

But are you ok with it?

The only thing that matters is being true to yourself. If you want to be a kind, caring, compassionate person, be that person through your actions. If you want to be the opposite of that, that's ok too, always be true to yourself.

I was a very shy kid, classic "comstantly trying to please others" type of thing. Disliked any form of conflict, I was very respectful, kind, and always put others first. The thing is, I was also scared. Lived in fear; of society, of opinions, of not fitting in, of talking to that girl, of ending up a 'failure' in life... just, the world was too much.

But FBO helped me grow out of that. it helped me wake up and see that the world is a war zone, and nobody gives two shits about you ( maybe family, in which case, you're lucky to have them). I'm a kind person, I want everyone to be happy and I show it in my actions toward my family and friends. but I'm also a f***ing a**hole. Why? because f*** people. I couldn't go on pretending the world was something other than what it is. People will pile shit on you until you start shoveling it back. So I try not to f*** with people or put folks down (although sometimes I slip :and make an ass if myself :/ it happens) but if they want conflict that's what they'll get.

I remember around the time that change started, I was at Target trying to buy something and I also needed 60 dollars cash back. And so obviously I'm waiting in line and everybody is silently freaking out about that terrible smell. And me being anxious, I start to sweat like a pig. Well I get to the cashier, everyone's still uncomfortable, whispering and shit, and I just try to act friendly with him saying "how are you?" smiling and what not. The guy was very cold, and you could tell he didn't want to interact with me much. Then I find out that it's a 40 dollar cash back limit, so I say ok, no problem, I'll just do this transaction, get a pack of gum (reach for a pack), and take 20 cash back from that transaction.

So then this motherf***er gets a look on his face, a grimace of
disain. and with a tone superiority asks to see my ID. I was kinda stunned for a second, but I read the situation and said something similar to:

"Listen, the whole time I've been in line you haven't asked a single person for their ID. So unless there's a written policy against making two purchases or smelling bad in your store, can you f*** off and do your job"

Instantly the whole scene changed. People stopped coughing, people stopped whispering, and the guy quickly processed the pack of gum and gave me my money, all the while mumbling some bullshit about how sometimes people steal cards and try to empty them via multiple cash back transactions in stores (haha, what, that's why I knew my pin right you f***ing twat. I think I know what he was referring to, people do steal CREDIT cards (was using debit) and you can get cash back with them at some stores, that obviously did not apply here).

So he hands me my receipt when it's all over, I say thank you, have a great day, and he gives me the biggest smile since Louis Armstrong's "What a Winderful World," He says 'yes, you too, have a good day' and I was on my way.

That's when I knew I was destined to be an on-and-off douchebag. And it stuck with me even after my odor improved. That's life for ya :|

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