When I reread my post to you I thought it sounded judgmental. I would like to apologize for that. I do not know you personally so I have no way of knowing how much you are seeking God. The purpose of sharing the testimony of the husband and wife's healing was not to put you down or judge you. I was actually trying to encourage you. I know I was encouraged when I heard their testimony. It made me want to seek God more and that definitely helps me. You may be seeking God as much as you are able for all know. It really took a lot of determination for that man to tell God that he would sit at that table until he was healed. He did not give up even after sitting there all day and into the night, if I am remembering the story right. That testimony really motivated me. You may have a different belief system for all I know. Anyway, I pray that God will give you wisdom in what to do and provide the means for you.
I know you are going through a lot. I have never walked in your shoes. We all are not above becoming discouraged at times including myself, especially during a hard trial like this.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 English Standard Version
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 English Standard Version
Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4:23 English Standard Version
I will meditate on your precepts
and fix my eyes on your ways. Psalm 119:15 English Standard Version