Its a serious matter for people involved in it. I already shared my "hard love" viewpoint.
Its not so much what I believe, but rather, why I believe what I believe. Being an old person, the why part about it, could take a lot of writing !!
First point is, victims need to maybe consider Jesus' message of Love, forgiveness. Forgive the perpetrator, forgive the narcissist. Maybe that could be the banner message.
I've seen some claiming to be Christian, who have called me many names. It only shows in reality, they haven't got Christ's message, but its ok, there is still time for them. Its soooo totally not about me, after having experienced more trauma than most can imagine, I am quite well :)
Here's my redux below, and understand of course, this is a public forum that permits others to respond, so its only natural others will respond. Also, people have diffrences, otherwise, there would be no need for discussion forums, or, any need to vote at the polls. Life would suck if we all agreed. God created us to disagree, for the purpose of ultimately arriving at God's Truth, which is complex.
Now, on this victim mentality..... Yes, narcissist survivors are victims. So also were the African slaves, so also were the Irish slaves. So also are the husbands or wives of abusive alcoholic spouses. So also, are children of drug addict parents. So also were the Slavs who labored in camps in the second war. The list goes on..... all victims.
I am not a PhD psychologist but it doesn't take one to understand, that if a human experiences mental trauma, there is a timeline to it. You have 1 the initial phase of when it occured, which can be lengthy, maybe over years of "abuse". Then, you have 2 the realization phase, where the person comes to realize it (otherwise they would have quit being part of it), then you have 3 the part where they lament and self-reflect about "how that sucked" or "I was so stupid", then you have the phase 4 which is the twilight zone, where they are searching for some justification. Then, the golden nugget, 5, when you are free of it, and move on with life !!!!
See, humans have this need to justify things. Stage 4 above is where they say "WTF" was this all about, they are in a state of bewilderment, because, their previous belief system about the person who did them wrong, wasn't an accurate assessment. Who is to blame ? The actor, or the person themselves for not realizing it ?? Who is fat ? Why are they fat ?? Is it the baker's fault or the person who eats cake every day ?
I never liked cake, seemed unhealthy.
Can we tie all of these scenarious together ? YESS !!!!!
The question is, do we want people who feel victim to some trauma, to remain in a mental state of victimhood for a long time, or for a shorter time ?
If life is limited in time, which it is, the best choice is to get people out from feeling victimized, so they can move on with their life, and fulfill God's plan for them. Otherwise, it could only be the devil who would want to keep time in a lenghtened time stay visit in a state of bad.
Haha, I invited you to come this way, that is fine b/c trips to new horizons are never bad, but maybe I was assuming you are in a bad mind state but in reality are only looking at things you got over a long time ago and are being altruistic. Once, my girlfriend left me when I was in the 7th grade, and I was sooo sad, life seemed hopeless !! Then Sally came along and I totally forgot about why I was sad.
Trust me, I had many many many traumas and occasions to lament. And it was true to anybody who looked at it, I was definitely wronged !! Then my Dad expressed sympathy, but sternly asked me "who do you think else will care, and how long are you going to cry ?"
I think if you are going to have a successful forum, it needs to teach first the message of Jesus, which is forgiveness of the narcissist. And people who call others names on the internet, are to be ignored since they haven't yet got the message of Christ, refer them to the Jesus forum, they won't heal until they're willing to forgive. Second, is to realize there is more to life than lamenting, yet, I understand most people in the situation, don't have anybody. That is where you can come in, tell them they do have somebody, which is you, but more importantly, they have Jesus.
There is also the fact of being born a posterity of those who founded this country, when its applicable. But in any event, I think it best to remind people that God has a Plan for them, and God's plan isn't for them to lament for very much longer than the usual typical amount. Maybe the hardest part for some is that they don't perceive they have anyone. But then again, Jesus never called anybody names and never lied, so he's probably a good bet to latch onto his philosophies.
Let the dead bury the dead, he said. Luella May, I hope if you think God's plan is to work with narcissits survivors, that you do well. I don't know you, but I just have this inkling, God has better things for you to do. I'm allowed to be wrong of course, I hope you forgive me if I am wrong. Take care, V