I tried about 5 antidepressants before saying to hell with them. I really have never met anyone who is like me at all actually. I know plenty of depressed people, but am not aware of anyone who has been depressed for their entire lives and had this constant underlying anxiety. I am not really sure which came first actually. I have always been able to fake it enough to get by, and actually appear very successfull to some, if you judge by academic achievement, maturity, work ethic, etc. But of course I dont really care about any of that. I have felt completely alone my entire life, and pretty much have been. I feel like I cant even speak most of the time...it's really not that I have "anxiety attacks", unless you count childhood stage fright which really scarred me, or anythign really acute. Most of the time I just feel extremely uncomfortable in my own skin, and it just takes SO much energy to function socially. I just always feel like a failure when it comes to relationships I guess. And I have realized over the past several years what a croc of shit all the fairy tales I used to believe in and dream about are. I am 21 and have wanted it to end on a constant basis for about 2 years now. I do admit I have been giving up, but I did fight it for an ungodly long time. I think suicide is perfecty justified. And those who say it is "cowardly" have never really decided to do it.
Even if I did take the antidepressants and I convinced myself they are doing something, I would still have the physical things that have quietly and secretly made my life hell-pale Acne covered skin, cold hands and feet, joint pain, dry eyes, dry hair, extreme brain fog, blah blah blah.