i have had bulimia since just before my 13th birthday. I will be 19 in one month. my friends found out when i was 15 and asked me to go to the school counselor, and he called my parents and told them. This was the worst thing he could have done, because my parents have been great parents, and they took it to heart. they also got angry at me because they thought it was an attention thing. My mom still refers to the incident as "my little bought with bulimia". i was furious with my counselor and stopped telling him anything important, and eventually just told him i was better even though i wasn't. i hide my problem from everyone i know.
things have started to get really scary though. after i eat meals, i feel physically ill. i haven't had to make myself throw up in several years, i can just push my fist into my stomach and it works the same. even that isn't always necessary. sometimes my heart will start to beat really really fast for no reason. and if i don't eat anything or drink anything for about 7 hours, i pass out. these things are starting to scare me, and id on't know what to do.
i am in college. i have a feeling that if i were to talk to a specialist, they would want to admit me into a hospital, and then i would be so behind. not only that, but i would have to explain to everyone i know how i've been lying to them. i don't know what to do. i want help but i just dont know if i can do the things necessary to get it. please give me some advice