Hi. I read you letter. Please don't feel so bad about all of this. I, too, never realized that I had this, in fact, I had been celebate for 3 or so years when I had my first breakout which takes the form of a lesion on my outer to mid buttock. As a single mom with 3 children, I didn't date much and my outbreaks were only 2-4 times a years so I just dealt with it. It wasn't until I met my fiance two years ago that I finally wanted to find out what this was. When I found out it was herpes, I felt just like you. I told my fiance, but I felt so ashamed. I thought he was going to break up with me. He has not and now we are getting married. When I have an outbreak, we just do not have relations. So far, he has never had an outbreak,so I hope he doesn't have it. As for me, I can assume I got it from my ex-husband, but I will never know. I even suspect I may have gotten it from my sister who says she only gets it on her butt too--at around the time of my first breakout, she had a pool and I would use her towels, who knows? As for treatment, I tried using Valtrex only to breakout in a few week; it truly suppressed the virus. I am now using Lauricidin which I get online. I've been using 6 months and had one 1/2 inch lesion which cleared up quickly. I also avoid peanuts and chocolate, which are real triggers for me. Good Luck, and please don't beat yourself up about this. I hope your partner is understanding--why not show him this reply?