I've never visited this forum before (I'm usually to be found in the Candida Support Forum ), but something drew me in and I read your posts.
I am really sorry to hear you've been feeling so low - I just want to offer you some advice and words of support, but I must apologise in advance if any of it is off the mark or me just jumping in withouth knowing the whole story.
I too often feel so bad that it's like you can hardly breathe, and it feels impossible going on. The future seems terrifying and I've considered ending it all a few times. But guess what - the candida is more often than not, at the root of this terrible, unshakable Depression - and once this is tackled, life will definitely get better for you; the Depression will lift and it will be like a whole new world for you. There will still be the same issues going on and we will have to deal with them, but being able to think straight and not feeling so exhausted and depressed can really help you to get a handle on things and the thought of wanting to end it all is gradually replaced by a determination to live and to experience this life to the best of your ability. I had a pretty rough childhood; parents divorced at 10, Mum remarried, second husband very violent etc - this all happened when I was around 13, I'm 29 now but have come a really long way.
I wanted to urge you to hang on in there and to seriously give this anti-candida protocol consideration! You wouldn't believe the difference in how it can make you feel. It is like coming up for air - suddenly you have this energy, and you realise just how long you've been feeling ill, that you get determined never to let the candida to that to you again. Remember, you are in control, and with even simple steps, you can make a real difference to how you feel and this can help shape the way that you see life and the world as a whole.
You sound like an amazing guy, with a lovely soul and a great deal of sensitivity - believe me, these are vaulable traits that the right people will recognise and these people are out there. I used to think they weren't, but I'm now being proved wrong. It is taking me a while to accept love being directed back at me but it's starting to feel good!
I started to feel ill around age 16, and got the list of typical candida-induced symptoms such as stomach cramps, fainting, depression, exhaustion, weight loss, yukky tonsil stones (eeeuuuch!) not to mention all sorts of horrible other things.
I've been doing the diet (cut out sugar, alcohol, processed foods, white flour as a start - there is a lot of good info in the Candida Forum on how to get on to the healing path), and can safely say I've not had to take the anti-depressants for a long time. I was on them for a couple of years; sure they helped me get through stuff at the time by helping me feel like I was a nice fluffy haze, but little did I know they were contributing to the candida at the same time - argh!.
I'm still dealing with it but can honestly say I'm a thousand times better.
There were a lot of times when I wasn't sure if I would make it and seriously considered ending it too. But if you take nothing else from this message, consider the term 'everything is transient' - I have had really bad periods, but knowing that they will pass has helped me to get through them.
You are young with a lot of life ahead of you - a life which sounds as though it is just about to start getting a heck of a lot better now that you've arrived on this forum!
We are all here for you and remember no bad how bad things get, or how low you feel, you are never truly on your own.
Keep your chin up mate and give this anti-candida protocol a bash - I promise you, you will never look back and will realise that you've got a lot to offer! The right girl will realise this and everything will fall into place for you - just wait and see :)
Good luck, and all the best to you!
PS - check out the Candida Forum , Ask Andreas and also a few more candida sites on the web - your healing journey is just aboutg to begin!