here is my two cents.
well, first off let me congratulate on seeking God, and doing what you know in your heart is right. that take courage, guts and fortitude. good job! pat yourself on the back, you deserve it.
second i would recommend that you forgive yourself and FORMER boyfriend. don't let yourself be crushed by guilt and shame anymore. God has already forgiven you, so ask for grace and you will be able to forgive yourself and others, that will go a long way to healing.
third. i think you are giving too much credit to this man. he sounds more manipulative than i think you relaize. why don't you try telling him that lying to his wife, sleeping with someone else, and lying ot the rest of the world is poison to his soul, poison to his family, and poison to his church, and that he should stop it, now! it is NOT your job to heal your FORMER boyfriend. it is your job to get your life right and keep it that way, if he can't understand that then that is his problem.
as far as his being "trapped." yes, of course, that is what they all say. (i can hear you now, "oh no you don't understand the situation he blah blah she blah blah") divorce is still legal in this country, he is not trapped, he just didn't want to get a divorce that is all, not that he should have.
alright am i being too harsh? my point is that you should not spend your time worrying about how your right actions are causing someone else to not be able to injure themselves anymore. get your house in order, and let him deal with his. that is what a break up is all about. remember to keep the BREAK in break up.
you are not doing this to him, you both created the situation and now you both have to deal with it as best you can - separately!
also please don't find another married man to date, there are plenty of single men out there, trust me.