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You're not alone & different!
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Published: 19 years ago
This is a reply to # 534,943

You're not alone & different!

Q and A

Do you have a question you would like answered? Need advice about something in particular regarding techniques, cllmaxs etc. or whatever is on your mind? Send me your question and it will appear here with the answer. Donít be shy. Donít hold back. You donít have to tell me your name and your name will never appear here.
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Dear Cynthia,
My question is this. All of my lovers always complain how long it takes me to cllmax. In oral can take 30 to 50 min's. In intercourse...almost never. I don't understand why this happens. I fantasize during lovemaking a lot to try to get off quicker. But what is happening now is that I feel so much pressure, that I am not enjoying myself. I have always had trouble cllmaxing with a partner, not by myself. But sometimes even with does take some time. I am 40 now and I am wondering if this will ever change. It has gotten better with age, but why can't I be like other women and come quickly and often?????

Dear Subscriber.
You are like other women. Most women do not come quickly. If your lovers have been with women who came quickly then more than likely the women they were with were faking it to make him feel good. The reality is that it takes a while for a woman. Most women do not cllmax in intercourse alone because there is not sufficient stimulation to the clitoris. So it is very important for you to understand this and to educate your lover so that you donít feel inadequate and he doesnít pressure you with unrealistic expectations. Take the pressure off yourself by allowing yourself to have your cllmaxs during oral or manual stimulation and he can have his cllmaxs during intercourse. You can also try using stimulation of your clitoris while having cllmax or read my article on positions to find some positions that are good for helping women cllmax.

Sometimes women have difficulties with cllmax if their lover is not connecting with them emotionally. You may want to examine whether your emotional needs are being met and whether your partner is investing in you emotionally. A woman needs to feel special, important, valued, desired and respected for sex to be good.

Our society still carries an underlying stigma in regard to womenís sexuality. On one hand we are supposed to be sexual and on the other hand if we are sexual then we are considered to be ďloose or easyĒ or ďnot lady like to enjoy sexĒ so many women carry a conflict inside themselves on an unconscious level that it is not okay for them to enjoy sex and therefore it is difficult for them to let loose and experience pleasure. It may be helpful for you to find some other women with a sex positive attitude to share your thoughts and fears with or to read some books that are sex positive focusing on womenís sexuality and womenís satisfaction.

Sometimes women have difficulty with cllmax if their lover is not stimulating them enough. Spend time playing with yourself, spanking the monkey and touching your body and be sure you know what excites and arouses you. Make sure you share with your lover what it is you need to be aroused. Women typically need lots of foreplay with cuddling, kissing, touching, rubbing, licking etc. on whatever parts of the body are arousing to them before going into the nitty gritty. This could be the neck for one person and the feet for another or both for another. It is important to know yourself in order to teach your lover how to satisfy you and as always it is very important to communicate with your lover your needs, desires, and fears.


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