I played around with the notion of becoming a slave one time and reached some deep states of surrender that led to intense pleasure. When I had a desire to return the favor, however, it was not an option. The lack of reciprocity caused me to lose a modicum of respect. I also wondered where it would lead, ultimately. He was dependent upon that kind of external stimulation. I felt sorry for him because he couldn't bring me to those levels of pleasure any other way. For me, it was a case of doing the wrong things for the right reasons. I came to realize that consciously creating an assocation between pain and pleasure was effectually conditioning myself for sexual hell. As the creator of my own reality, that was not something I wanted to prepare for. I become interested in BDSM when I read the book 9.5 weeks in my 20s and it turned me on. The movie was nothing in comparison to the book. I've read The Loving Dominant and several other books on the subject. Your life is yours to live as you please. I meant no disrespect. It was just an inquiry.