I am not sure if it is something wrong with me psychologically or not or because I have been having insomnia, but I have been having problem to make real friends. I don't know how other people make their friends. I don't really know if there is such thing like real friends.
Friends to me are those ones who compete with you all the time, making use of you, happy to get a chance to omfort you when you get lost, and jealous when you win ...
When you read books, there are so many rules and advice about how to get a genuine friends. But none of them really work for me.
I find I like to make friends with someone who is not as smart as I am and not as pretty as I am, I feel less stressful around them. But end up, they always start to simulate my actions, which make me feel pressure again. I try to avoid them when that begin.
Just recently, two of friends tried to get divorced and slim just because I am divorced and slim. One of them was divorced now and trying her best to compete with me to find an ideal husband, another one's husband died before she got chance to divorce him. They are proud to tell me how their dates went on and how good their boyfriends are --- I am tired of hearing those things which keep giving me pressure because I am the one hotter and smarter but I don't have a BF. Then I try to hide from them and avoid talking to them, and try to make new friends but I know the simular situation will start again .... they have been cycles
People usually like to make friends with me and I guess my sweet smile make them feel close but I am afraid that they are the ones who are going to make me feel stressful and lose sleep eventually. -- End up, I am living a very lonely life although I am sexy, smart and well-educated.