My heart goes out to you, because if you are really, really sincere about seeking God, then it must be painful for you. I believe you truly are sincere.
There's no way around it, sin separates us from God. Sin that is repented of and left behind, can just be wiped away and forgotten the way that God forgets it.
The problem with habitual sin is something else. Remember that Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery "go and sin no more".
So the offense was forgiven, but she was told not to do it again. But what do you do, you say, when you just can't give up doing that which you hate to do? In any case, God has made provision for our every need. If a person has prayed, and fasted, sought counseling from a qualified elder and done everything they know to do to drop the sin habit and still can't: → → →look for demonic oppression. We are the ones to open up this sort of onslaught from the enemy, by either sinning in the first place with that sin, occult activity, or being careless about the eye and ear gates (what we allow ourselves to see and hear) No matter, when we realize how much we offend God, and what a mess our spiritual life has become, we can still look to Him for the answer. Our wonderful God delivers us from despair!
Perhaps the following link might be of help to you. If it doesn't apply specifically, then look elsewhere on the site. Your situation will be mentioned somewhere, but there IS help in Christ for EVERY need! Cheer up!