Hi Wicked Pixie,
I'm sorry to have jumped off at you like that before, but, you see, I'm like that guy. I'll put up with an amazing amount of garbage, but I'll still be ME (you know, like your guy, an amazingly crazy heart of gold). I know you're restling with the idea of telling him what you did. Look at it this way. If you don't, he will most likely never know, but YOU will, and even if you do manage not to let it burn in your conscience, it will burn in your heart and will become a subconcious fear of yours that will keep you somewhat distant from him because you will have a "dirty little secret" that you will ALWAYS have to hide from him because you have DECIDED not to trust him to be what he really is...a VERY forgiving and loving person. In that case, you lose! However, if you do tell him PROPERLY and [first] explain to him why you did it and what you have been through and what caused you to kind of "flip out", he will forgive you. He will appreciate your honesty, sincerity and trust in him to forgive you. That is MY understanding of the situation, but I am 49 years old, and HE is not ME. You are going to have to TRUST him to react that way. You will have to support him in his pain (don't mock his pain). He will have every reason to feel bad, and even depressed, but he will understand why you "cracked" under the pressure of all that you went through (which is still no excuse,but he doesn't want EXCUSES, he wants UNDERSTANDING).