I understand completely what you are trying to say , but you are off on a couple points....I know I will not continue this behaviour, it is actually quite unlike me. And I think "some things are better left unsaid". I will take it to my grave, sorry......I'm not going to hurt him or risk losing him. I made a mistake and that is that. I can grow as a person without hurting the man I love and his self esteem....... I have become honest with myself, but sorry....I will not further punish myself or hurt him in anyway. He is the only man I want, I just got scared...that is that. I can walk away from this knowing I will never do it again. that is the lesson learned,.