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How to get out of a toxic friendship
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Published: 19 years ago

How to get out of a toxic friendship

I've known my "best friend" since the 10th grade and we're now in our 30s. She says I'm her best friend but I don't consider her mine. All through our relationship I feel she's treated me badly. So for her to say I'm her best friend is confusing. When we were younger, we would make plans to go out and she "stood me up" a few times and lied about it later. I know she was lying because I know her very well. We were supposed to move in together once with one other person and all be roommates and she and the other person moved in together on purpose without me and made up some big lie as to why I got left out. For a few years after that we really didn't talk much and that was about 13 years ago. A few years later, we started talking more because I made the first move, but by then she had joined a church and still pretty much kept her distance. She got really involved with the church members and I really wasn't a priority. Then she became disillusioned with the church and called me one day and told me this long story about how the church turned out to be a disappointment and how they had let her down. From then on (and this was about 6 or 7 years ago) we've been "closer" for lack of a better word, but still so many bad things have happened in the past 6 or 7 years. For example, I would call her and she wouldn't answer the phone or we would make plans and she would continue to stand me up then make up lies to explain it away later. About 5 to 6 years ago she met a married couple on the internet and started becoming friends with them. They live in another state and eventually she moved there to be with them (a year ago). Now they've introduced her to their friends and they're all one big "group" that hang out and party together. I went to visit her and I could tell her friends really don't like me much, nor do they want me in their "click". That's ok with me. What is NOT ok that she treats her other new friends differently than she treats me. To this day she still ignores my phone calls and emails, but she would never do that to them. She's much more loyal to them. The last straw for me came when I suggested we celebrate knowing each other for 20 years because this year marks 20 years since we met. She seemed all for it and was very interested in doing something. She asked me to come out to visit her and go to a music festival to celebrate. I suggested we go to Las Vegas because neither one of us have been there and I've already been to where she lives. We never really came to a definate plan as to what we were going to do. Then one day she emails me saying she's planned a trip to Las Vegas with some internet friends. I couldn't believe it. I haven't emailed or called her much since then. However, I emailed her today to tell her about a concert I went to and how much fun I had. I'm still waiting for a reply....I just can't take this anymore. This really isn't a friendship and I believe the time I spend on this emotional rollercoaster is toxic to my health. I hate to completely lose a friend of 20 years, but this relationship is just bogus. How do I "break up" with this person and move on with my life? I don't like burning bridges or closing the door on anything for good, but this situation seems useless. I still can't understand how or why she says I'm her best friend. It's confusing and frustrating.

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