sorry i thought i read both sets of parents were alcoholics! well, i feel stupid now.
anyway, this is basically what i am saying - there is a reason for his anger. there is a root or several roots, if its not the molestatin things, then its something else. people don't just wake up one day as ragers, they have reasons. why don't you ask him why he is angry so much sometime when things are calm? ask the question and see what kind of answer he gives. he himself may not even know why, these things can be very very deep in the subconscious, but if you want ot know you will know.
i really believe you could both do with some good counseling, it can really help. both together and separately.
also it seesm to me like there is a lot of intimacy avoidance going on. every time you two get close one or the other does something to cause a blow up, this creates distance and helps relieve the fear of intamacy that you are probably both experiencing. thats okay intimacy is scary, one of the scariest things there is, especially for guys. accept the fact that you both probably have intimacy fear issues and work on that.
also drama addiction can come into play. children of addicts often find their biggest addiction is to the drama, and as adults they subconsciously recreate the drama they experienced as children because thats what love feels like to them. perhaps you should be asking yourself - what am i doing to continuously recreate this situation? and why? focus on yourself and see if that improves the whole situation.