hello all. its 8:31pm im at work and cant find my journal, i mustve left it at home. permit me to express a bit here...
so, i feel bluh today. been this way since last night, and when i woke up today i was still feeling bluh. bluh is like nothing, like neutral, like beige. not happy or excited about anything, not mad at anything. weird b/c i was so excited yesterday, after weighing in and seeing i was firmly in the 230's was exciting! and i tried on a pair of pants that were so uncomfortable two weeks ago and tho they werent falling off my hips, they were a much smoother fit than before, and that was hype. no joy over that this morning tho b/c today the scale stayed the same, but really im cool with it, it didnt go up and thats still good for me. ive not taken anything other than my liquid meal and water, so i know it's just my body chillin for a while and it'll drop weight maybe tommorrow or the next day. im patient.
the other day when i was so hype about losing 14 lbs so far, a couple people cautioned me about getting too excited. "i hate to burst your bubble, but you HAVE done this before," and "dont want to rain on your parade but that weight will all come back if youre not careful," i really let these comments bother me. got me to thinking that i will just fail again, that i'll just gain all this weight back, and gosh im so far from any significant weight loss and how long should i bother with this and *sigh.*
i wrote that long ass post before about how its different this time, how im really conscience of everything im doing this time, how im focusing on my mental and spiritual health this time... but now im feeling like im KIDDING myself this time, just like i did every other time i tried to fast and never got past 2 days. but its been 10 days now, dammit, tommorrow is going to be 11. it IS different this time. >:( i have faith in me! ugh, why did i let those comments cloud me so much, its MY faith i need, not theirs.