I certainly wish you success this time (or any time)
I don't remember seeing any mention of God in your post and I have no idea what religion you might be, but He is probably the one who can help you most. You may feel alienated, like you have turned your back on Him, but He has not turned his back on you. He knows you better than you know yourself and He knows the solution to your problem. You may have lost faith in Him, but He still has faith in you.
I don't mean to preach and feel free to ignore me. I don't usually post much, but I found your message very moving and that is what came to me.
When I was on drugs and confused in my mind, I found a bible that had Jesus's words in red. I ignored the rest of the book and just read what was printed in red and found a great deal of comfort in that.
There is lot's of pain in this world and hypocracy, greed, deceit and injustice seem to rule the day. There is a reason why the world is like this. When you learn this reason you will find peace and happiness within yourself.
God (the creator) is perfect so He could not have created an imperfect world. It is our understanding that is not perfect.
I feel bad that you are going though what you describe. I am giving you the best advice I know. Please consider prayer (however you understand that) and ask the one who knows you to help you make it through this difficulty.