I whole heartedly second what jcounts just posted. When I read your post my heart went out to you and my first thought was "pray"! I hate to admit that I have been a "Christian" since I was 12 and it has only been within the last few years (I'm now in my early fifties) that I have learned how very powerful prayer is. I for one will be praying for you and hope others here will do so also.
Also don't mean to preach, but you are going to need all the help you can get. But you want to make a change and that (I would think) is step #1.
I will be very interested to hear what MH has to offer. I would suggest (since you are new here & by the way, welcome) that you click on the banner at the top of this forum to become familiar with MH's recommendations. If I'm not mistaken, jcounts put this website together. In my opinion, MH is well versed and right on in his recommendations. It was no accident that I 'happened' to find this forum as it is no accident that you are here also!