boy oh boy, I am sitting here just humbled by your story.
You really are a soulful survivor, i am sorry for your grief.
My dad was an air force mechanic in the late 50's - never saw any action outside of his airbase, and was honorably discharged because of an auto accident that injured his knee - I have his papers, which he doesn't know.
Now I remember hearing that he injured his knee playing football for the Packers - line o' s__t - my son has heard that he was a bomber pilot in the Korean War, and he told some guy - while I was sitting next to him mind you - that he was in Vietnam at the fall of Saigon. And the man was a vietnamese that he told this to. Now I am 44 was born in '62, sister born in '64, and dad kidnapped my sister and I in '69, so I KNOW we were with him hiding all over the country and somewhere in this he worked in marketing and land development, so short of him flying secret missions to vietnam and back every night, I can't think this really happened - my boyfriend is an ex-marine - I too think of all those who serve our country and find it a terrible blasphemy to ever lie about military service. I am ashamed as can be about it.
This stuff makes me ill too. How many years I overlooked the lies and the abuse - now I just cannot bring myself to deal with him - I cannot have a healthy relationship with anyone if I keep placating and pandering to this man - he is sooo ill.
I really am sorry for your pain, because I am sorry for my own. I am having to accept that he will never be "well", it's hard.
My Narcissistic ex only left me alone when i told him - in a very bold fashion - that whenever we spoke from this point forward, I would tell him the truth. that I would stand in it, and never waiver - well , I no longer here from him, he became frightened once I stood on the truth so strongly. I once read that one way to divert a narcissist is to bully him back. I am not so sure with an abuser that it is smart, but dad is old, and he sure can't hit me.