Merry Christmas, sweetie! (And no, you're not rambling, it's just the facts!)
Your narcissist's M.O. is ENTIRELY different than mine,as he has never, EVER threatened suicide. He can BE ABSOLUTELY charming at times, can't yours? I would be surprised if your husband (ex) was NEVER charming...."Ya don't go fishing without bait." There is usually SOMETHING they use....to get what they want.
No compassion here, either. Cold as ice....unless he WANTS TO BE SEEN as generous, of course. Then he'll give the shirt off your back. In public!
Mine is VERY respected in our community. Like so many. It is only the wife who knows. He even managed to turn my children against me but they must know somewhere deep, deep down inside that what they witnessed as children was true (never the abuse but me being totally unable to move for days & nights at a time and on icepacks and truly suffering worse than any animal would ever be allowed to suffer) .... and that only when they connect the dots does it all make sense. But they love him too much, need him too much and it is too painful to do that now. It is far easier to throw mommy under the bus and THAT meets with his silent approval BIG TIME. I just wait.
Like you, I divorced my batterer. But I was in such bad shape (and I had given him EVERYTHING; wanting only to just get out and get out alive) so I had no support of any kind.
Then I became so ill that I became homeless. I was on the very brink of death, signed over an enormous insurance policy to him and came home to die.
I didn't die. Wish I had but it is strange sometimes how God works. I feel like -KNOW- actually that this is where I am to be for now. I can only control MY OWN BEHAVIOR and that is alot to do at times, if one is hurting or has had no sleep for months on end. God can and will....bring justice.
It's funny how all of us battered wives are so determined to have justice! Someday. Anywhere, any way. After this life. Anything! Justice! :O)