Hey honey, I am so happy that you left that ass. Have you ever considered that it is a normal instinctual thing to want to avoid pain, and that has something to do with feeling those warm and oh-so-fuzzy feelings after they "go", or being sp hurt because they don't "want you" anymore? Ego is so powerful that we grieve because some dick doesn't think we are worth having. I remember Allen telling me I wasn't worth having - I wish you could see him 15 years later - he has reaped what he sowed, and is just trash. Hey, you should watch "The Color Purple" and watch how Celie climbs out of her hole - it may empower you to keep moving forward.
A word of caution: it has been my experience that the whole "I don't want you" thing is temporary, and that he may swing back around in your general direction, usually right about the time that your hurt is lessening. He will look good, smell good, love good, express well, have remorse - I can assure you that no matter how it looks to you, STAY AWAY. This is a temporary state designed to get you to start feeding him his narcissistic supply, and then he will regress. You WILL do that one thing that "disappoints" him, and he will start all over, and you will have invested more this time, and stand more to lose, etc. Change is VERY difficult, and when someone simply makes a statement of change, without benefit of SERIOUS soul reflection, therapy and time, THAT IS NOT CHANGE. When he has truly changed, you will know it in that he will tell you that there was NO excuse for his behavior, regardless of upbringing, education level, blahblah, AND will tell you that he is in therapy and therefore cannot engage in a relationship with you until he understands what is motivating his ABUSIVE behavior. My experience was that he wanted back in IMMEDIATELY, and told me he had changed, but he HAD to have me by his side,etc. even threatening (in a passive, sweet way) to LEAVE if I didn't take him back right away, as he HAD TO HAVE A WOMAN IN HIS LIFE. At that time, I just couldn't bear the thought that he would jump to the next one so I took him back AGAINST MY GUT INSTINCT, and the honeymoon was temporary. I remember being so shocked when he "reverted back" - that makes me laugh, now.
I was fortunate to have a friend in my life that was a therapist, so I had counseling every day for a long time before she pronounced me well enough to move on to help someone else. I can tell you that if YOU are willing to change, and you NEED to be, than stay away from him and invest time in yourself. Ask yourself WHY you attracted this man into your life - no one is here by a fluke - and then work on changing the type of person that you attract. You will find men that are like that man, but will have the inner savvy not to go with them, then you will find someone who's level of consciousness is higher. Trust Soulful Survivor, she is very wise, and listen VERY carefully to your inner voice.
Keep us posted, I care for you, for you are me, and I am you.