I've had 3 babies. 1 with an epidural...heavenly experience :) , and 2 without - against my wishes, sheer hell. I was moaning and groaning and screaming and swearing and as ugly as all get out. I wasn't really fighting against it, but I was NOT joyful. I was MAD! "That's it, Honey! You get mad and use that anger to push that baby out! LOL!" Fortunately, they were over and done with in record time. My last one came within minutes of arrival at the hospital. I don't even want to tell you the stuff I was yelling. I bit my nurse on the shoulder. All time low for my behavior.
Am I doomed to being a dark ripple? When the going gets rough, will the happy happy joy joy, love the world me get swallowed up by that part of me that resembles Bilbo Baggins in that scene from the Lord of the Rings where Bilbo asks Frodo to let him see the ring and Frodo doesn't comply?
I grew up in a family of ministers with a strong interest in biblical/end times prophecy. Some of my earliest memories are of my grandma and her dad discussing "when the U.S. gets involved in the fighting over ther in the middle east~ that's when it's all going to happen. You wait and see!" Your post scares the poop out of me, and reinforces all of the fears I have felt in my gut over the past 7 years. I try really hard to not choose fear, and I don't fear the outcome, but I am afraid of the process. I am afraid of watching my children starve. Their death doesn't scare me, it's the suffering part. Can I get an epidural for the apocolypse? LOL! Do you think tattooing "Love thy neighbor?" on both my hands and my forehead might work??? LOL! (i'm only kinda kidding)
I talked to my mom in Indiana this morning and she was again expressing concern for their lack of rain and the poor farmers and their sad crops. Are we in for a worldwide drought? Am I to watch my children starve? Are they to watch me? Is this really the script we've written for ourselves? Should we embrace this as our emancipation from this crazy world of pain? Our "finals" and "graduation" if you will~ Is surrender the key? Is it ok to hope it's over in the beat of a butterfly's wing?
Is there anything we can do to protect our children from unnecessarily excessive suffering? Would stocking up on beans, rice and pemmican be focusing on fear? Would building an ark? Should I be focusing all of my thoughts and energy on something different entirely, like expecting a miracle? Am I really expecting a miracle if I am preparing for the worst?
Can you please send J over here with the armegeddon manual~ (not kidding)