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I am in a really bad place right now.
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Published: 14 years ago

I am in a really bad place right now.

I'm embarassed and frustrated at the moment. I have tried many things to get my body back on track, and I just am starting to feel like it is all for nothing. Nothing is helping me. I keep going in circles. I have done liver, parasite, bowel, Master, and candida cleanses, buying all organic foods, pure water and eating vegetables, and monitoring my food intake, and I feel like I have spent so much money over the course of a year and a half, and I still cannot have a normal bowel movement. I have also used PH strips that indicate that I am very acidic inside. Now after my MC, my candida is back and so the weight is creeping ack on once again. I even started using the product Demodex to clear up my skin (although it seems to be the only thing working). I have no health insurance and I have a Master's degree. I can only find work as a waitress, so I don't have much income to help myself. For all I know, there could be something seriously wrong with me. I have no money to fix my rotting tooth in the back of my mouth which rotted until a big hole is the only thing left there, and now my other teeth are starting to get very sensitive. I worked for a company a few years back in which laid me off right before my benefits were to kick in, so I was never able to get it fixed. I also cannot afford to get a new prescription for my eyes which are getting worse. I am feeling rather angry lately at the world and how the govt just sucks us of all of our money, and I feel so helpless. Right now, I owe taxes that were due this week, and major student loan payments that I cannot afford that I've alread delayed a few times because of economic hardships. I do not live a lavish lifestyle. I only pay a share of 160 dollars a month for rent. I can see how people just snap and go crazy. I have no criminal record, and I am not on any crazy drugs or alcohol. I am a good citizen who tries so hard to make it work, and I just keep failing. I know this seems so personal to post, but I am sure there are other people out there, like me, who are so fed up because they cannot afford to live a full healthy life because of money. Everyday, I feel so trapped by the system, and feel very stressed out by things I wish I could control. If you can't take control of your health, then what do you have left? I used to be a very positive person, but now I feel very hateful and negative towards those who are living high on the hill, or those who make all the laws. I am starting to feel anxious about many things going on in the U.S. that are so messed up. Its all I have been reading lately, and for many years prior as well. I want to do something about it, and I wish somehow that many people who are tired of being submissive to crazy regulations and fines, and outrageous laws that benefit those in charge could somehow unite and stand up for what we want to see happen. I look around and I see so many people who are close to me struggling to make it work because it is more expensive to live your life than to die. I know people who, according to some, make a decent amount of money, but for some reason, they are struggling every day. For example, a close friend of mine, couldn't afford to even drive to work because gas was so expensive. She works an hour away, because that's the only place she could find work at the time. She is divorced and supports her two girls on her income, and cannot afford to drive to work. She makes 50 grand a year as a school psychologist! It sounds ludicrous, but its the truth. You have to have money to make money (unlike banks). Lately, I find myself laughing off everything that is important, such as my bills. I have an "I -don't-care-anymore" attitude. My insides are probably rotting inside, yet I'll never know. By the time, or even if, I even start to make enough money to help my health, it will probably already be too late- the damage will already be done. What can I do about anything? How can I make myself not care about what is going on in the world and all the hatred I am beginning to feel? I need some advice to give me some inspiration or something, because I am losing all hope for a better world and better health. I feel like any day now, I will just snap and give everything away in favor of a gridless life on the road and no trace for the g*vt to find me. Yes, tax evasion and non compliance. Someone help me by giving me some kind of hope to go on. I am feeling helpless right now. Anything at all, please. It is very much needed. Thank you.

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