I know I used a lot of negative wording, I usually don't, I have been feeling very sad and negative lately, I will watch that.
I have watched The Secret, and read "Ask and it shall be giving?" and most of Wayne Dyer books and serious applied all the principles, I even made a video of how I would like my life to be and watched it 2x a day, I should start up again. I got happier using these principles, but nothing manifested. But I still try on occasion.
I don't know what deeksha is, but I will google and learn about it, thanks for that advice, I'm open to most things.