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Re: Why Can't I find a Man ???
Larryb Views: 6,755
Published: 13 years ago
This is a reply to # 924,335

Re: Why Can't I find a Man ???

Wow, I'm glad my post was helpful - it sounds like we're a lot alike. Although I'd have to say quite a few people I know would get a good laugh from your suggesting I write a how to book on relationships.

Yes, by maturing your standards, I did pretty much mean finding someone that you feel comfortable with, not what society holds out as glamorous. Don't forget most of our archetypes we get from the mass media of what's attractive in the opposite sex were generated to get teenage butts in seats at theaters, get the 18-25 demographic to sit through an hour of commercials a night on TV, or get frumpy housewives (and now even teenagers) to spend themselves destitute on cosmetics with sky high markups.

For me, maturing my standards have gone beyond just relationships. It extends to business, politics, religion and any other area of my life where I don't feel the need anymore to play by a bunch of rules someone else came up with. For example in business, I was seduced by the usual externalities, being high up on the totem pole, wearing expensive suits, entertaining at the best restaurants, staying in the top hotels, traveling first class, being an in demand speaker, personality, etc.

Throughout my career it took active denial to not acknowledge that I hated every minute of it. Now I prefer owning a small business where I come and go as I please, tell annoying customers and employees to F* off as I please, come to work in jeans and sandals and put a Do Not Disturb sign on my office door and do Yoga for an hour or two if I want. With my teas, incense, detox cleanses, supplements, vegan diet - by society standards (and I'm sure my employees) I'm a nut case. By my standards it's just the freedom to be me - priceless!

Every decade we live we become totally different people. The old playbook has to be continually rewritten if we want to be happy with who/where we are.

I'd also just like to say we've all had long dry spells where we never thought we'd meet anyone again. Of course they always come to an end, but using that time to come to terms with who you really are and what you really want can be very valuable and helpful in your next relationship. You sound like an attractive 40 something and I'm sure it won't be much longer. Let us know when things change. Best, Larry.

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