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Re: Why Can't I find a Man ??? (sorry long post:) I think that's it - Abandonment Issues
Zoebess Views: 6,652
Published: 13 years ago
This is a reply to # 925,016

Re: Why Can't I find a Man ??? (sorry long post:) I think that's it - Abandonment Issues

a little...ggg...

Sure, abandonment issues are huge and very often run
beneath the "radar" of those who have them.

Also, if a person has awareness of the issue, they may
choose to wear the mantle of victim and they become
focused on the pain which they had become used to.
Often the drama of pain becomes a pattern which is
hard to break. The familiar pattern of expecting such
events to eventually happen. Who among us has not
heard another say, "Just my luck, this always happens...".
It happens because this pattern is one which the person
subconsciously reinforces.

Likewise, the choice to break a pattern can be made
if the awareness is there and if the "will" is there. The
reasons to change have to be stronger than the reasons
to stay the same, in the same comfort zone. It can be
somewhat discomforting to move between point A, where
you are now, to point B, where you want to go, that often
people choose never to stray from what they know
already as a sure-fire reality. Most often it is fear of
the unknown which is our biggest limitation. Here is a
link to some info I shared with Beth on another forum
on how I dealt with fear.


I would encourage you to release your fear. Find
the courage to change and make the conscious choice
to do what it takes to find your healing. It may feel
like a never-ending journey, and in reality, most of us
find there are no grand arrivals. Not everyone embraces
these challenges, but those who do, find a personal
journey of discovery and self-healing. You can also
find joy and peace and happiness, as well, other people
you can resonate with who will bring with them the
potential for relationships which are unlike the ones
you now find attractive. The relationships and the times
you spent in them, in your past, were comfortable at
those times for reasons which no longer serve you.

Your therapist most likely also helped you shift, but
again, it can be difficult to see the forest for the trees.
You surely have acquired enough skills through your
work with her to enable you to embark on a fresh
journey of self-discovery. Again, do not put limitations
or time constraints on your process. It may be as
simple as taking this new found awareness, examining
it for what role it played in your past, and simply pressing
the delete button, or it may be a longer process of
examining every nuance of pleasure and pain you
learned over the years before letting go. There are
no hard and fast rules. Trust yourself to find your
way out of the darkness you have been feeling.
Just as you have found hope in reaching out to
others, reach inside yourself and find the strength
you have been saving for these moments when you
knew subconsciously that change would be the option
you choose.

You want to change and that is the most important
intention to hang onto right now. Find the ways you
resonate with to become more comfortable with your
life and all the pain of the patterns you lived BEFORE
NOW will fade and disappear. Replace your old
habits and coping skills with ones which say YES
to you, and before long, you will find yourself realizing
you have tremendous potential to change and that
by taking little steps, every day, you have moved
into your future, your NOW, a happier person.

I wish you much success on your healing path~~

be happy, be well,


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