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Re: bottled up misery
want2beclean Views: 3,245
Published: 13 years ago
This is a reply to # 932,430

Re: bottled up misery

Yes, I do understand human nature too well. I have been told often by my clients that they like to run their stuff by me because I can see below the surface.

You said "you were stolen from your mother and grandparents (have you no regard for justice?) and your happiness was stolen from their dreams, your sister's dreams, and worst of all, your past happiness was stolen from you (and that theft STILL invades your life, but it doesn't have to continue)." That is a very true and profound statement, I wish that my therapist could have said that to me a long time ago. And all those years I wanted justice. It's a true statement that people do not see what they do not want to see. Dad is a bigwig in our small hometown, and people knew that I was being battered, even the school counselor knew, but no one did anything. The legal system in 1969 even allowed dad to terminate moms' parental rights based on NOTHING, divorce her, have my stepmother legally adopt us - all in one court hearing, without moms' knowledge, and they KNEW he had kidnapped us. He spirited us all the way to Albemarle, NC, which was the tiniest town he could find. My sister, in her fear, never told anyone, never called the police, nothing. She "kept the secret". So perhaps that is why I feel the need to tell the story over and over, to validate that it was bad and wrong. I know that I was traded to protect his image - that he would tell people that I was lying and that I was an out of control girl. What I was, was a girl in incredible pain. And people did nothing.

In a perverse way, you have given me a hope. I have often wondered if my outliving dad would give me some relief, and you indicated that that was your experience. Dad lives about 40 miles from me, and I feel him "lurking" a lot. He is old now, and looks harmless, but psychologically for me he is not. He now spends his holidays with friends or alone, I feel awful at the holidays, but also feel that he has forfeited his relationship with me in favor of keeping up the lie that "we were all to blame". He thinks that he deserves my respect and attentions because he exists, not because he earned it. I cannot possibly imagine what his friends think of my sister and I, that we don't care for an old man.You would be shocked at how often I have heard, "but he's your FATHER". If he were my husband, they would tell me to go away and stay away. So, I admit, I often feel that were he to pass, I would feel a sense of relief. At least then he would know the truth. And then I would know that he knows all things.

Yeah, you're right too about it being a spiritual thing. I do believe everything is divine.

I would imagine that you have had my experience with therapists - you go to them, and you know they only have a textbook knowledge, and you know what they are going to say to you, and so it does no good. I do find that people who have similar experiences are good at assisting each other. That is why curezone is so nifty.

I appreciate the time you took to write your thoughts to me. I will save your message to my favorites, so that I can read it again when I need to remember what you have said. It was stated perfectly to me - thanks so much.

And I sorta wish dad DID know you. Thanks for taking up for me.

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