Terrific post, SS! I like your description of emotional death. I still experience and alternating between sorrow and acceptance since I stopped interacting with my dad, but I experience more acceptance these days than I do sorrow. I know that I still experience anger at times, see "bottled up misery" below, but as I express it in a safe place (here and with a trusted person), and in a safe way, and as long as I identify what it is I am feeling, it dissipates much more quickly and is not as destructive to me. In turn I am not destroying my relationships by being so locked in the past.
Lakelight, I am so proud of you! How difficult that must have been, but how brave you were!! I remember when you first started posting - how far you have come!! From confusion to clarity!! From excuses to reality!! Look at you!! I am curious - how is your husband - are you two now recuperating and renewing?? I remember the toll this was taking on him, as he was infinitely patient and trying so hard to be helpful.