DON'T make a "conscious" decision not to do those things. Why would you have to? Don't convince yourself that you are like your mother, anyway, you've learned to hate that kind of behavior, you've learned to hate that kind of attitude, you've learned to hate that lifestyle. If you "make a conscious decision", you'll make yourself paranoid and "overcompensate" by becoming needlessly scared of doing something that you wouldn't do [or BE], you'll develop the insecurity of uncertainty about who you are and what kind of person you really are, you'll become moody, develop an identity crisis, and develop a pattern of guilt every time you get upset or react harshly to any adverse situation in life. Develop a good sense of justice. Always recognize who is "at fault". Don't look for someone to "blame" or place "guilt" on, blame and guilt are counterproductive, realize who is "at fault"/responsible (so a repeat occurence can be avoided/prevented).
The journal is helping a lot more than you realize (if you are being truthful about your feelings in it, UN self-conscious). About six years ago, just as a means of self-indulgence (be good to SELF), I took a Poetry course and wrote some poems (the first in 35 years) that I had absolutely no idea what content or ideas I could possibly write about. In each poem, I sat in front of the paper for an average 4-5 hours before even one word came to mind, then, two days later, they became a poem. Years later, I showed them to my aunt and she knew right away exactly who the first one was about (she didn't tell me she knew until a year later after I told her who it was, she said "I figured". The second was about a "FANTASY" funeral (what a life) and the memories I wish I had of an imaginary buddy (my brother died 20 years earlier). I figured out that these poems came from my subconscious (the content was not intentional). Get it all resolved now, don't leave anything undone or any unspoken words. Write something ONLY for yourself (secret,...so you won't be self-conscious about what you write).
Get PISSED, you have every reason and right to do that (if you deprive yourself of your anger, you are being unjust to yourself and the situation will not be resolved until you do, and will cause damage until then, don't deprive justice of it's due). I don't speak of justice as "punishment" justice, I speak of it as "a clear sense of right and wrong". "Guilt" comes from not having a clear sense of justice (not clearly recognizing who is "at fault", you will be punishing yourself for being unjust to yourself, stealing their true/rightful guilt). "Conscience" won't let you get away with being unjust, your "conscience" will not allow any violations to go unnoticed by you.