My sister has breast cancer, she had survived dad by being the "good" one - she figured that if she "got in agreement" with dad in all areas of her life, that he wouldn't terrorize her. With dad, his way of thinking was right, and if you disagreed, you were toast. I was the "truth-bearer" in our family. Dad had kidnapped us and effectively silenced mom, my sister was too conforming to bear truth, and I guess at a young age I decided to not conform. I think my sister has Breast Cancer because of the suppression of Who She Really Is, and stuffing her anger. She is neurotic, and you have to be very careful what you say to her, because she takes things extremely personally. One of the things I have noticed is that now it's "how dare you say such things to me, I have CANCEEERRRR", when confronted with some bad behavior of misjudgement she made.
I used to think that I had it worse, because I had been so very physically abused - sister was beat up only twice, and it was more of a rough-up - but I don't think so now. The rebellion in me was how I survived and went on to grow and change. Today I am acutely aware of what is spiritually true and what is not. I know what "not-love" is today. I still stand for what is good and true and right in a situation. Sometimes this still gets me in trouble in my relationship - my boyfriend has some issues in that he will drink too much and shoot his mouth off in vulgar ways when we are out somewhere, and I will actively confront that judgmental nasty behavior. He gets pretty mad, but not right is not right. He has some stuffed anger too, and I know why, and it comes out when he drinks - he is such a nice guy but drunk he will act like some ugly old curmudgeon, and I hate it, it is embarrassing. Yesterday I was talking to him about it and he said that was just who he was and there was nothing wrong with that behavior because he is sick of all the stupid people in the world and someone should say something to them. I told him thanks for the info, that I will adjust MY behavior regarding that issue. What that means, SS, is that I will no longer go anywhere with him where he will acquire that attitude, i.e.; bars. I hate that he feels that way, but I can't change him, only what I do, and I just won't go with him. I also won't behave that way. It is wrong - spiritually, morally, intellectually wrong. I told him when he does that he looks more obnoxious than anyone there - like the guys that I would avoid. It is hard, because when we met I couldn't "see" that behavior, and now after 3 years, I have different "eyes". Makes me sad. Funny part is, when he isn't drinking he is the most generous, kindest person - no joke - I want for nothing, he is a good neighbor, polite to elders - did I mention his dad was an alcoholic and died from it? Boy did I digress off the topic!
I just always enjoy your insights. I am glad we are all here for each other. Being able to post what is on my mind is so therapeutic, the best I have had. The people that are around me have their own demons, don't reallly want to do anything about them (boyfriend:)) , and don't want to listen to me sorting mine out ( I am too analytical according to friends and family - they ARE right, I just don't know how to look at something without trying to see through it - any suggestions?).