When I read your post, I felt as if I had written it myself. I want to say, "I hear you girl!" I have smoked for years myself and am to the point where I need to quit again. Over the years I have quit many times, sometimes for years, sometimes just months but always going back to the filthy habit, it is like a ball and chain. It does seem too much like a reward, only it is a deadly one. One knows how bad it is but can't stop. You say okay, today is the day, then something drags you back to the store to buy another pachage. Who is in charge anyways?
I believe that it is harder to quit now then it used to be, due to the fact that there is far more chemicals in a cigarette today then way back when. It is hell detoxifying all these individual chemicals and it plays havoc on all emotions, mental and physical stress and tests the human spirit. I was trying to quit last year but my Mom was dying of breast, bone, lung, brain etc. cancer and could not do it no matter how hard I try, it was like my comfort zone. Now my Mother is resting in peace, god bless her! Watching her suffer for years of this horrible disease and literally watching it choke the life right out of her, made me realize how important it is for me especially. But still, I cannot find the emotional strength to quit. I am going to try again tomorrow and see how that goes.
What I wanted to say is that through my different experiences quitting, I was most successful cold turkey one but only because I had pleurisy and had no choice. The other most successful time was when I had decided to mark on the calender from day one, how many cigarettes I DIDN'T smoke. When you smoke a package a day, it soon adds up. When I was getting into 200, 300, 400 cigarettes that I had not smoked, I was horrified at the quantity. It is very motivating and rewarding. You give yourself a pat on the back when you get into the thousands. I am amazed at how any of us smokers are able to breath and go on with a normal life.
I tell you what, if you would like to join together and give this a go, perhaps we could motivate each other or at least we'll be able to understand how it feels to be detoxifying the body of the lethal cigarette residue and maybe help each other through the hard times. Be a crutch to each other. I have a few cigarettes left and am hoping to try after that.