I eat a serving of protein right after wards.I used to drink high calorie weighted gainers myself right after then I tried protein shakes but I read that protein can’t really get digested fully without the presence of the right kinds of fat..no I am not talking about omega 3s or mct oil but the fat long with the animal it was naturally off of. I thought it wasn’t good to eat after wards but it works for me so far.I usually have a steak or chicken thighs,salad and some sticky rice.I don’t think you have to eat a large meal,just anything with enough protein to encourage growth and rebuilding ...
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well,after trying to go back to the standard way of eating- I noticed that my moods have been all over the place as well as feeling alot more tired then before.I have also noticed that I generally feel weaker and tired more often then not when my protein and fats go down while my carbs went up. I tried drinking weight gainers again but only to get bloated and ill even. I will continue to drink a protein shake after my workouts but that’s it. I will still have a small protein meal for lunch,then fast til dinner where I will eat a large one like before.Mostly meats/fats,some raw v ...
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lol I never got back into eating smaller meals throughout the day,it turned out to be too troublesome and I was no longer hungry in the afternoon anymore.I tried force feeding myself with prevail,I am not sure but I might just eat a small protein meal for lunch just like I have been doing then a large meal,maybe two of them in the evening...   [End]
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http://naturalbalance.com/cgi-bin/showproduct.pl?Item=16417120 I have been taking these pills daily with awesome results (-: is it okay to keep on taking them everyday or should I do it only every other day? no side effects other then some days I feel really aggressive,agitated and really groggy though I suspect it has more to do with my fluctuating blood sugar levels more then anything else only made worse by the pills.   [End]
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I am on the same boat,though I have drank a 5th for every other day lol. I used to be a real health nut for the past 2 years but it’s gotten so boring that I jumped back on the wagon..also been smoking for the last 6 months about a pack every other day as well. Strong as an ox however and still eating clean ironically,just happen to like drinking and smoking.. I am trying to find a good liver detox cleanser right now to counteract the damage of so much drinking...   [End]
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I don’t see a problem with eating only raw veggies on the WD just as long as one gets all the proper nutrients and calories. Heck,I used to eat ONLY a 12 oz.Bloody rare steak and some eggs a night after fasting and working in a garage for 10-12 hours a night a few summers ago lol.Worked out great for me and I became lean ans shiet. (-: I don’t really think you have to literally gorge yourself but eat enough and you’ll be fine.   [End]
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you might have problems with indigestion or getting enough calories being that raw veggies are low in calories as it is.I know that I’d get horribly bloated and gassy with them lol.   [End]
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I can comment on the quality muscle thing..I have put on MORE quality muscle and power while on the warrior diet then I have ever on my old bodybuilding diet.Not only that but I also felt better in general. The only thing I didn’t like was that though I was alot more muscular,I was also my lightest I have ever been.I don’t doubt it being very beneficial for detoxification and cleansing because of first hand experience but for me,I just didn’t put on enough size for my taste on this diet.I remained amazingly lean and muscular (imagine mass,swelled muscles around defined and toned joints ...
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well,I changed it up again after trying to snack on protein during the day- In theory it seemed like it was going to work but in reality,sneaking off to eat a little protein every few hours was not only annoying but it was also nausiating lol. I eat a banana for breakfast for a small fruit to take my vitamins with,then a small protein lunch.I wait til dinner to really pig out and then a high carb meal before bed. I can’t seem to function right with too many carbs so I had to up my protein more.My blood sugar seems way more stable this way and I can function alot better. As for the ...
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well,diet wise I cut out complex carbs almost completely up until bedtime (helps me sleep,carb load before bed,keeps blood sugar stable as I am sleeping,wake up with energy!) As soon as I wake up I take 2 pills of Cobra sexual energy then wait for about 30 minutes,eat a banana with my multi-vitamin,B complex and 500 mg of vitamin C. For lunch it’s a small protein meal,veggies. Dinner it’s high protein,lots of veggies..still no carbs except for some good ol beer!lol then before bed it’s usually a big bowl of chili/beans.I also sleep more and excersize smarter. I cut out those ...
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well,after being on the warrior diet for the last 4 1/2 years I have decided to go off of it and pack on some weight again.It did serves it’s purpose in terms of detoxing my body from years of over consumption of supplements and high blood sugar.I have learned and done soo much in terms of experimenting and trying out different things in terms of diet/nutrition and I have come to the conclusion that the standard 3xday meals are the best for me,breakfast lunch and dinner.Possibly shakes in between for now since I am trying to get my lean mass up.I have simply become so thin (though still m ...
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not talking about an aphrodisiac but something to take as a supplement to keep things healthy lol. Taking a product called cobra right now and it works great though it kinda feels like the effects are starting to go away and I don’t want to take more of it in fear of side effects.I tried a few other products before but Cobra works the best. Stamina RX gave me horrible spacey headaches and made me really hot and sweaty but not so much horny lol.It also made me feel like I was crashing from low blood sugar after taking it.Not sure pure yohimbe is something I want to mess around with eith ...
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lol well,it’s been about three weeks and things are going great!~ (: All in all I just let go alot more and just going with the flow of things, the good and the bad..so far so good!   [End]
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I have done the warrior diet for quite some time,though I used to fast for the entire day- I find it now that I feel better if I have many small servings of protein throughout the day,then eat a large dinner then a snack before bed. By SMALL meals,I mean really small- IE; 3 hard boiled eggs steak bar (basically a piece of steak thats been cooked and then cut into the size of an average candy bar lol,hows that for a protein bar?) 3 fried trouts pork chop beef or pork rib scrambled eggs ground beef with diced onions/tomato/chives baked chicken thighs cut into ’b ...
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thanks for the kind words!~ indeed I have grown so much in such a short amount of time. Looking back at my past mistakes,it’s made me realize a few things.. obsession is NOT love TRUST is a big factor in love it’s far better to have strong boundaries rather then submit your standards for the other persons happiness so is letting yourself go and sometimes letting go of having to control everything you can be mad at someone without hating them not everyday can be a ’hump day’ lol it’s not the quantity of love making but the QUALITY of love making... ’humping to ...
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wow.. not bad. After taking time off to just really think about where we are headed,how things really are between us while focusing more on listening,talking to her and just being closer to her in general..things have never been better!!~ Not only are we so much more closer now but the sex has even gotten better.. it seems so much more passionate and we can go on forever! I am working on being more honest with my feelings with her,not all ooey gooey stuff like that all the time but if something is bugging me..I’ll tell her instead of just getting mad at her or just holding i ...
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I told her I was moody and that’s about it.She just turned 21 and has led a pretty sheltered life compared to my dangerous and horrible past as a youth...it’s actually why I am so drawn to her in the first place,she is the one person in my life that isn’t corrupt. I am not against meds but I’d rather just ride it out.I used to be REALLY heavily into natural supplementation but after a few months off the subject I never got back into it seeing only marginal results from them.I seen alot of physical results and some emotional from bodybuilding supplementation but more negatives then posit ...
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you know what? I am just gonna go with the flow and quit trying so hard all the time. lol (:   [End]
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I think for me personally,whenever I stress out about something the act of stressing itself creates those imbalances and further causes damage.I think it’s cortisol or something like that is released during times of stress,that and adrenaline,epinephrine and a host of other powerful hormones are released..next thing you know I am in this horrible state and for me personally..it’s from bottling up alot of what I am thinking and feeling without any real release of it. Working out releases aggression but also increases testosterone,though I am rarely depressed after a good workout. I j ...
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well..not so much depression but if something is on my mind it literally PLAGUES my psyche.My mood changes,I become withdrawn and introverted,suspicious and upset. I kinda stay in that mood/mind set.I drink whiskey every few days and that helps though I know it’s not the best thing for me to be doing so often. We talked today and I feel better about things in general.I told her that I’ll put in more effort to listen more,talk more and just put in a little more effort when I am having one of my bad days because I would usually just shut her out.Those times though she always wants to ...
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well,the jealousy began a few weeks ago when I noticed how ’close’ my girl and her co-worker is.I noticed that they have a rapport totally different from mine and hers. I can see that she is really comfortable just working near him and talking to him. It really upset me because I feel as if it’s something that me and her really lack. CLOSENESS. It’s funny because I can do all sorts of things to cause attraction and be all fun exciting and do all sorts of things with her..but without the ability to listen, care for and talk to her then it’s really no hope for us. ): I know the ...
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thanks for the kind words. lol if it’s one thing I know about...it’s confrontation. (: and also how to resolve things as well as letting things roll of my back in certain situations. I know that the only thing that makes me angry nowadays is if something or someone threatens my relationships.I know I am no angel myself but my heart really is in the right place despite of how I may react towards my loved ones. I know how I am and when I get my ’bad days’,it’s just so hard for me on those days to see the truth from what’s only in my mind that is upsetting me. But looking ba ...
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actually I lead a pretty solitary lifestyle both in terms from an emotional and mental stand point.I am very much a die hard loner and have very little need for interpersonal connections or intimacy.I was venting because before,well..just to vent as a form of ’safe’ expression of how I was feeling at that moment in time, once it’s out it’s out for good and like an empty large bottle that has been filled up,it’s now empty.I of course don’t bottle every last emotion up but when it comes to relating on one or whatever I do it,though in a way that may seem eccentric or strange..because ...
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Ditto.. I am not sure if it was because I care so deeply about her was the reason behind me feeling so afraid of losing her or becoming jealous. Thinking back,I was a fool to have become or feel so jealous in the first place. With a full nights of sleep,a full stomach and clear mind it becomes less and less of an issue. It just seems like when stressed and out of it so to speak, the smallest things seem to just trip me up.. I had a suspicion that it has more to do with my moods or bad state then what was actually happening. i really do just need to take a step back,quit t ...
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...actually the ’anger’ or what little of it I have left is the only thing that is really holding me back in relationships. I know that and am working on it. it’s not like I flip out over every last thing she does,I am actually pretty laid back and detached most of the time.Kinda like whatever whatever but some things do really urke me. I know I am not a bad person and I am cool with it,no one is perfect by any means. (: Most of the time I lost my cool was because either I was really in a bad mood, hungry or just in a very bad state and I took whatever she said totally ...
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lol get a life- no seriously.Get one.. it’s painfully obvious that you are the bitter and angry one here. NOT me. why so hard on trying to ’tell me off’ when in that same moment you could have enlightened me with some wisdom (of is it wisdumb?lol) not to be more of a prick then I already am but you sound more wound up then a barbed wired fence. (:   [End]
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..or maybe they aren’t here to respond because they see how much I have progressed though THESE postings and not so concerned with my last responses a few months back. in the PAST eh? (-: people do change and for the better you know think about that one hot shot lol.   [End]
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actually...true intimacy is what I am looking for though in the past I always thought it revolved around sex or afterwards ie;holding them and talking lol. I noticed that when were being intimate,this girl as well as my ex- though I was aware of it taking place I was kinda lost in how to react to it, and I just kinda held them as we were talking,I felt ’close’ to them and we did share those moments together,though I felt strong emotions I did feel a sort of disconnection in a way,like I was still somewhat distant.. though there. It’s the same though alot more subtle then passio ...
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also I’d like to add that with every time I have became upset and angry at her,once the smoke clears and I am thinking right- I realize the more and more the infatuation wanes down and the more genuine feelings arise afterwards. I felt bad of course,I felt guilty for becoming so upset and I realize that it’s not right to become so angry over something so trivial nor taking it out on her. It actually made me question alot of my thoughts and actions and see them how they really are,what’s really going on and not just what I ’think’ is going on.It also made me treat her alot bett ...
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I know you may think you are some sort of genius with your copy and paste skills and all but looks like you should take your own advice about LISTENING or in this case READING. That was what? a few months ago? so what part of I CHANGED my ways for the better did you not understand? you just assumed that by reading old posts that I was treating her the same way? the same way I treated other girls I could care less about. get a clue lol. And all this crap about maturity level blah blah blah..okay,go it,whatever mumbo jumbo. The truth is,we have ALOT of fun together and t ...
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now you hold on just a second. say all the shit about me you want to but keep her out of it, got it? like I said I changed my ways drastically and for the better and I am trying to make things better for not only myself but for the sake of her. so that being said,I will continue on improving myself the best I CAN...   [End]
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lol actually it’s the same girl. (-: I really cleaned up my act with her and we dated til now. We had ALOT of fun and did so many things I never thought I’d be doing..all up until jealously reered it’s ugly head and I just lost it and the anger kinda just lingered for awhile,for like the last two weeks and I just can’t escape it. I just get so jealous and am so afraid of loosing her to someone else that I just totally flip out.I think I might really have lost her this time because this is not the first time I became upset with her..she is really sweet and nice but I don’t ...
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I notice that because I have gotten so angry then made up with my lady friend, the more and more my feelings of infatuation disappear and the more genuine feelings that actually arise afterwards. I become so infuriated and pissed off because of stupid things like jealousy and I become so enraged and upset with her.Then when I cool off and think about all the little things she does to show me that she really cares,it really makes me see how much she actually does and I really do appreciate it all. Does anger and then making up bind us tighter together? It seems like though she h ...
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..damn.. 7 views and no one gives a poop. noice!~ ):   [End]
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well...off the warrior diet and I feel alot better lol. that’s all. putting on weight as we speak! nothing crazy,just two meals a day with two snacks to keep things up. mOstly protein and veggies for the meals and lite carbs for my snacks.   [End]
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sarcasm? ow.. no really. ): and I thought you actually liked me,I am hurt lol. (:   [End]
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I am not sure about the whole,selfless/selfish stuff but as far as the girl goes I am planning on getting to know her still and just allowing myself to actually genuinely have feelings for her if they become present.I am so used to idealizing people and live inside my mind,when in reality conflicts arise- I will blame them for everything in my life that is wrong and just blame them for making me feel like shit.I do it to my parents,old friends etc. I really do like this girl but unfortunately she also brings about the monster known as insecurity along right with her and it’s so overwh ...
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? I just don’t understand how I could shift from being totally consumed with desire,I mean,intense desire for someone and then swing to the opposite side of the coin to not even giving a rats ass,I am horrible because I planned everything out,covered my tracks and yet she still thinks there is a possibility for more when there is no chance in hell for me.I messaged her back a few times joking with her and trying to smooth things out but I still have a feeling she thinks I am interested. I give up///   [End]
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shit.. I just invited her over to watch movies... Clothing optional. ): I know I am bad but my wiener is talking and I can’t ignore him. (:   [End]
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...oh,and maybe angry buttsects. (:   [End]
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wow,seen her again today and I swore I thought I was going to get into trouble or something,I imagine her keeping all those e-mails I sent her and turning me in for harassment even though i friggin ignore her now.I was getting a few dirty/concerned looks from the girls she was working near,not sure if she has a big mouth or not,maybe I am just being paranoid.She messaged me again acting like everything was cool but I feel like she is reeling me in a little more before reporting me. ): I am walking on eggshells for the next few weeks,though I still of course flirt with the girls i ...
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I feel very guilty now,didn’t think I would but I do for some reason..well ’duh’ to the reason.I really don’t think sex is the answer to any of my problems..’ya think?’ lol. ): happy valentines day to all. I have learned too many lessons from this,though will keep these thoughts to myself... signing off for good... ’good riddance’ eh? lol. ): dammit..how can I mock myself! doh! it’s not funny! lol....   [End]
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I feel guilty in a way but it’s really better off that she is not with me.I would only consume her totally and then leave her heartbroken.I did this all the time in my youth,I liked someone very intensely,I get what I thought I wanted from them..be it attention,affection,desire or lust and when I felt as if I got it,my feelings go away. It’s going to take alot more then a sweet smile or butt to capture my attention for the long run,not sure what it is yet. happy valentines day everyone.   [End]
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not happy about it or anything but do find it amusing that in the beggining I was the one that was so obessessed over her and all this non-sense,but in the end it turned out to be her -the one that got hurt and wanted me so badly lol.She should have spoken up sooner alot sooner,when I was feeling as intensely but now it’s like,..umm..okay. now what? am I supposed to care? My feelings are as fleeting as the sunlight in an alasakan winter,it peaks hard but drops quickly if I am hurt in any ways..so sorry to her I guess (yes,she did hurt me in a way,but I will not share what she has done) ...
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well that was a surprise,not only did I just sleep with her but she also confessed her ’true feelings’ for me,as if we were meant for each other or something lol. I told her that though I liked her it really isn’t what she thought it was.. whoops,I guess my coming on so strongly she mistook it for something else,as if I wanted her so badly or something lol..umm,I like her but not ’that’ much. whoops~ once again,I chase,I pounce,I leave..so much for the weird feelings like she is so different or whatever..give me a break. ’different’ O: what a crock this all turned out to be.. ...
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lol yes and yes (: well,on one part of the question that is.. not lucky,but greatful. I like her but after talking to her a little more I can tell she is nothing to be afraid of,though I sense her pain- she has been heartbroken before, she also has alot to give to the right guy..call it a hunch but I can sense it. Horribly faithful but looks like the type that would cut my dick off and boil it if i ever did her wrong lol.She just seems fiesty like that. O:   [End]
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thinking back,i can’t believe how stupid I was.. we were talking and really close,in the break room- looking out the windows at the parking lot up top,it had a very nice scenery out the mountains and such. There was a moment when we were talking and I felt this great feeling of warmth,arousal and attraction..something I haven’t felt in a long long long time, I was so profound by this moment that I greedily held on to it and endured it by myself,forgetting the other part of the equation..her! I was so wrapped up in the feeling for myself that by forgetting to involve her in the pr ...
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yet,still I can’t choose between sexual conquests and exploration over..love or whatever that may come about.A part of me wants to dig deeper and seek an actual relationship with actual feelings and growth,another part of me wants to do and explore as much as my body desires until I am just sexually exahusted and gained that sort of wisdom only true experiance can bring on,you know how some guys can just look at some girls with that look and they get wet with desire and lust right on the spot?? shit man,i see it happen all the time,the guys who get it and the guys that don’t..I can ju ...
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lol it’s hot when you talk bad to me (: putting me in my place eh? lol i am not sure of anything anymore,the only thing I know and care about is how I felt at the moment in time,not like it was perfect or anything like that but it was the most real conversation I have ever had with anyone for a really long long long time.I have never held eye contact with anyone for that long, shit like that means something to me,the little things I notice..though sometimes, so selfish in ejoying the moments that though I am able to entice and ewoke attraction,I am either closed off from recie ...
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i like how i can say fuck but not bullshiet lol   [End]
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well,I talked to her today...it was scary at first but in the end,it went pretty well.I notice that my feelings felt sheltered and cautious,they were familiar yet strangely foriegn to me,I was worried that my usual negative state would rubb off on her,but it didn’t.Fuck this anlylizing %¤#&!§-,I like her and that is that..if I fuck up then I fuck up and that’s all that matters,I’d rather fuck up trying then not to try at all..I like her,it doesn’t have to be all theatricals and music but I know how I feel,in the mist of all the confusing and non-sensual thoughts constantly in my mind,f ...
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i think the only available actions to take now are to face my feelings head on(in real time/reality) instead of just trying to figure things out in my head or rationalize ’why’ i feel a certain way or how i got where i got right now..it’s a bad habit of mine i know..i anylize ,rationalize,justify and then distance myself from alot of my problems,covering it up with distractions or whatever,but never really getting to the root of the problem,often causing only more problems.. ): i just need a hug sometimes dammit..that’s what it all boils down to, some good old fashion affectionate p ...
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i am drunk and all these thoughts keep on coming out randomly, i am a coward..it pains me to show any type of genuine care or emotions, she is very young and wears her heart on her sleeves,fearless of even me... i am deeply troubled,that’s no surprise,her willingness to accept me with open arms both makes me happy yet frightens me terribly,i have opened up a little, pushed her away,ignored her and made mad faces at her yet she seems unnerved by it all...is it me that won’t accept me or me that won’t accept her;kindness? without my walls,I am nothing..nobody,but a boy that I once w ...
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i would like to add that every time I think about her at night,she makes me cry horribly..I have no idea why,I just get really emotional and feel as if someone died or something,the best way I can describe it being that I am soo careless with my emotions in the first place. I don’t think it has anything to do with her directly but maybe what she represents to me,i am not really sure but she brings me to my knees, i know it sounds pathetic. ):   [End]
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i will never understand how something in such a pretty and petite package can cause so much emotion inside of me.I haven’t felt this way in a long time and it really shakes me at the core...it’s exciting and enticing though,it frightens the hell out of me.I can sense she has an emotional intelligence that far surpasses my own, I think that’s what frightens me most,the mad scientist forever living in his head, my theories of love,life and creativity but then again she rules the physical realm,the realm of passion ,emotions and desire.I have a strong sense about her the first time I m ...
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i really don’t think there is anything to fix..   [End]
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i think alot of my frustrations also come about as if i need to hide my true thoughts/feelings all day long,then come home to let it all out in a dry humping/whack off frenzy lol.It feels like trying to hold in a fart or sneeze all day long,I just get so pent up on some days..it’s strange because at the time I may feel nothing but awkwardness and anxiety but when I get home it’s like I indexed everything in my head and have a free for all..(fantasies) not that it bothers me or anything but in real time it become consuming trying to ..umm..shield such thoughts all day long. ): i swear ...
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highly co-ed enviroment,it’s the first time I have ever been such an enviroment as of this.I am used to warehouse,garage work or retail like places.This place is like a breeding ground for someone like me lol... out of control and horny! lol   [End]
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my only plan of action is to be able to understand it and come to a conclusion that I am willing to live with,not trying to fix myself or whatever non-sense lol.   [End]
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I don’t really talk to my parents but the tension and the resentment I have for them follows me everywhere I go and colors everything that I do,from the people I meet to the shitty experiances that I have,it’s not that I hate them or anything but it’s the unresolved conflicts of attention,affection, love and respect that I crave from them but never really acknowledged as a child..it’s utter %¤#&!§-,I know but what can I say? i guess I do blame them for alot of my woes...i feel like i hate them both but love them as well,this colors all of my interactions (or lack there of) in my every ...
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umm,actually I did read the entire thing but i was late for work and had to get my thoughts out before it left my plane of thought (?) I don’t know,I am going to the strip club tonight to regain my nuevos lol. It’s been awhile since I have seen a nekid chick in real life so maybe that’ll snap my head out of my ass lol.I know I have issues but the cure is about as far away as getting laid,falling asleep with my head between some hot girl and waking up with the scent of warm moist fawked cooter under my nose..that is really the only cure for me and my insecuritys,nothing more nothing ...
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out of control,she makes me feel out of control.I am a control freak and I like things,MY WAY or no way.I just figured it out (perhaps in my sleep sub-consciously?) my mom gave me everything yet,when it came to love and affection it left me high and dry.I have always longed for it but never been able to get it correctly and it the end I got nothing at all,i seem to have attatched this great feeling of longing,needing, affection and LOVE with great feelings of pain and bitterness.Though my lusts reside elsewhere.This girl makes me feel out of control when I am around her,I like it in a ...
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well,I have been chatting online at work with this one girl that works in another department,she is cute,21 and has a hot little body on her lol.Though when I am near her she brings up some frightening feelings inside of me,everything from confusion to fear to anxiety to happiness and excitement.The only problem is that she also brings about alot of repressed anger and manic energy because I have basically sworn off females emotionally and kinda just built walls around my heart,I don’t even look at alot of girls ’that way’ unless they have a pretty face,but most of the time I just do ...
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i have been overwhelmed by my negative thoughts or doubts in my desires, what I found what was happening was that when my conscious mind was a little busy body it would flood my mind with so many,too many conflicting thoughts and it made me doubt myself too much.What I noticed is that these thoughts though as powerful as they are feeling at the time in creating doubt in me,they hold no real weight in power except if they become habitual, worry,fear,anxiety,confusion and nervousness..it all becomes an alavlance of %¤#&!§-and it really fucks things ups. Though through intense negat ...
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I can just tell whom is sexually aware more so then others,even with men. I can tell a guy that ’gets it’ (pun? lol) and a guy that doesn’t.A person that radiates with sexual energy or one that just channels it through them without noticing. I often am attracted to really sexually aware girls but often find myself feeling worried that they are always looking out for the BBD (bigger better deal OR bigger blacker DICK rofl) because they are so intensely aware and their minds/bodies operate in that frequency/realm that they are constantly in a flux were there are many moments in thei ...
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that’s one lucky kitten in your avatar (: i aggree with your post.   [End]
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since working in a highly populated job with alot of hot good looking females around my age,I have noticed that I have been alot more keen and in tune with my sexual awareness. I have always been aware of this and always known that girls almost always go for the guys with a keen sense of sexual awareness and how to trigger sexual attraction in them almost magically..well,not really but it seems as if it is so. You walk in a room,she catches your eye and as if by magic you get those warm, giddy sexual feelings and it’s as if you two are engulfed in a little bubble of sexual attraction,we ...
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oh hai! (: that sounds like a very exciting and fun time with the band! I also think it’s best to mend a longing heart with things that keep your mind occupied. I have also started on my own little endeavorers,taking up snowboarding whenever i decide to spend the money (about $600 for quality gear/$50 a day all day ski pass,$20 gas to get out there,$180/night single super suite,4 hours total drive in the winter) boxing/Brazilian jujitsu and during the summer hitting up the drag strip once again! hoping to hit 13s in the 1/4 mile in my 2007 mustang GT.i also taking hand gun defensive ...
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Meh,I am well aware of their types..much like they are well aware of guys like me. %¤#&!§-s lol. (: hai,btw..it’s been a while eh? hope you are feeling better,it sucks missing someone but it makes the reunion that much more joyful.   [End]
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nah,she looks like the type that have guys either groveling at her feet or always trying to get in her panties lol.She’s probaly thinking,god..finally a real man! someone that won’t bend to temper tantrums and BS she flings,most guys would either just break up with the issued filled drama queen or just do whatever she please i bet.   [End]
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why is it that some things I get so hyped up,make plans,obsess over,say i am going to do it,going to do it and going to do it but nothing ever manifests or comes about? but the things I am not so excited about but end up doing end up being the most rewarding and the most valuable? but these are the things I don’t really think about, or I do initially but those thoughts get replaced by actions and reality and I never think about it again lol.This includes working out,boxing,drag racing at the drag strip,fixing up my car etc. Wouldn’t the LOA be working towards the one I obsess over ...
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I just witnessed the strangest thing today,hanging out at a popular bookstore I seen this amazingly good looking blonde obviously upset and in tears,her boyfriend, this not so tall kinda built buzz cut looking dude sitting across from her at a table.Not sure what she was saying but she went from being upset to angry to pouting to pointing fingers to laughing hysterically to crying some more to standing up and stomping her feet to then looking as if she deflated and sunk down into her chair,all the while all the guy was doing was taking slow sips of his latte or whatever he was drink ...
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cool link (:   [End]
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I notice that the more energy I have or in my body I am it is usually the best time for ’action’ or in my worse case I become impulsive and do things that get me into trouble,stupid risk taking,adventure seeking and acting out in appropriate ways;either at work or when it could get me into trouble. I notice when I am in a really really really relaxed state I am alot more rooted in reality and what I really want to do. I used to make the mistake of trying to sort things out only to become frustrated and confused during my hyped up states,only to find out that it was the wrong time ...
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such a wealth of responses..I am stunned. (:   [End]
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is it better to be in a highly receptive relaxed state rather then to be in a highly charged emotional state when visualizing or imagining our greatest desires? I noticed that before bed or right when awakening when my mind is super relaxed and clear I can visualize more clearly and have more confidence in actualizing what I want rather then just being ’hyper-aroused’ say in a really receptive state of mind,like either hyper or really aroused emotionally..it creates an intense desire but it feels superficial in a way and it makes me frustrated because I want it RIGHT NOW.When calm and rel ...
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I have stopped eating rare/raw steaks and undercooked meat in general but I have been breaking out pretty bad on my back with rashes,little itchy red bumps and dry patches. I have eaten a rare steak here and there but nothing like before(everyday and my diet was mostly rare meats) I feel alot better on cooked meats and keeping my starches low but are these rashes a sign of reinfection or an infection that went out of control due to my previous undercooked meat consumption? should I do another parasite/colon cleanse? it’s been a good year since doing any type of cleansing other then my us ...
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palmer alaska,it’s a tiny little town up north about an hour or so from anchorage,i tend to stay away from that city though-theres alot of crazies there more then you would expect from such a place up north lol.. i love the solitude.   [End]
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oh noez. ):   [End]
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not sure why but i thought you were that annoying anti-gay health risk sodomizer person ;’numbers’ lol... anyways,an ex-girlfriend once said to me that one of the most appealing qualities about me was that i had the ability express my emotions in a way that most people try to contain,weither it was a time of extreme vulnerability or a time of great energy,i have a way of flowing instead of pushing against it or trying to contain it..she said it’s both captivating and frightening at time because for those very intense moments,it’s like they are stepping into my reality/energy and they g ...
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OMG... red bull is a helluva drug! lol.. sorry about all the ranting but i have been drinking red bulls again for the past two days,i just wanted to ’taste’ it again,since not drinking it for so long. all I can is WOW..i felt like i was on speed,racing thoughts,all these cool plans,insights and just a mish mash of ideas..and once it was all done with i knocked out for like a few hours and here i am..all i can was it was a fun ride but damn.. i am soo glad i didn’t take that poor girl out today, either we would have had a good time or i would have broken the poor girls heart..either t ...
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i got it..somewhere along the lines I forgot about trying to fit in,be liked or a part of the crowd.I have always done my own thing,not ever seeking approval or a braggart (hard to believe with my posts eh? lol) ..somehow out of all of this,i have been able to retain alot of my youthfulness,sure,and some immature traits as well but i think alot of use are immature in our own little ways.it feels like i am really still only 19 both in my mind and my body,interests and goals. I think it was that really bad break up with the love of my life that stunted my emotional/mental and physical dev ...
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i know what i was trying to do. she is a ’buttaface’...everything is hot,’but the face’ lol. I don’t think we would make a good couple,she has many attractive traits and little things in how she acts and such i do find appealing to me,she has a nice body and all- but there isn’t that spark,that bang,that ’click’ inside of me. to be perfectly honest,she really isn’t all that good looking to me up close. She has a good profile (from the side) and from afar but i seen her up close a few times and she kinda makes me cringe..not to sound mean but she’s kinda ugly in a way to me,not su ...
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i got it..i have been doing it for SOOO LONG..i didn’t even notice I was doing it! these mini drunken rampages really do clear my head and bring me back down to earth.. I am a natural thinker..more like obsesser,worrier,detective type..i tend to try to think things out before doing it or even trying to attempt it..if i see failure or become anxious in anyways,i won’t do it...i even try to think out how i am going to ’feel’..it’s like i am replacing actual reality with fantasy ,imagery/inorganic vs reality/organic. the things i wanted most in my mind in reality never turned out as expecte ...
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i got it..pizza,beer,chucky cheeze,air hockey video games and then a boring bookstore and maybe a porno store..something wild,crazy and out of the ordinary..kinda like me. i like her but i don’t want to put on a facade of someone else,this way - she sees me in all of my craziness,if she doesn’t like me then fuck her,i don’t need her monkey ass anyways.. on another note..my lower back is killing me and i think i may need spinal cord surgery I can feel the muscle disextending from my lower back,right on the column ..it’s been a real problem for the past few years but didn’t want to cry a ...
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bah ,screw it..I am just going to ask this one hot lil chica I have been scoping out and chatting with online at work during the slow times.I am just going to go out with her,be myself in all of my glory and shittiness and prove to myself that there is in fact nothing there and that I am not ready nor even able to have a relationship right now,nor really even able to deal with nor be responsible for another persons feelings...I don’t care if things work out or not,it’s more of one of my ’social experiments’ that I do sub-consciously but I am dealing with this one consciously. I just want ...
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bah,counseling is for wussies. (: I will type and complain til the cows come home online but in person have fun trying to get a peep out of me lol.I am not a very good talker and I tend to talk less about my feelings and spend more time pushing peoples buttons or alienating them in general. I think I will start boxing here coming monday,and do it monday through friday- this includes intense weight training and upping my cals more,which means getting off the warrior diet for a while.I missed the placement tests for this semester for school and will have to wait til friggin’ spingti ...
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I take no offense in you thinking I have NPD or whatever..I wouldn’t be surprised one bit but then again I have heard so much worse in my short lifetime. I am aware of my flaws,I am starting to wonder if it even matters if I ’fix’ them or not maybe I don’t even need to be fixed in the first place...maybe I am just this way for a reason.Fubar’d as it may be...   [End]
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bah..I am pretty much hopeless in the whole relating to people and intimacy department,i don’t really care anyways seeing that I have a complete inability to connect with another except through negativity and %¤#&!§-.. I guess i’ll just live out my love life through my imaginations and hope that one day I’ll become hopelessly insane and become totally enveloped in my fantasies..I don’t care it’s alot better then what I am getting now,which is nothing but %¤#&!§-lol i hate people anyways so it really doesn’t matter..i know i know i don’t hate people.i really hate myself or whatever. ...
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i often notice other peoples energy and how they react with the world around them, in their natural states that make them attractive,most often then not it’s the little things that are out of our control that are the most appealing and attractive to everyone else.I often wonder what mine are that are appealing and attractive..I know I have alot of unpleasant and repulsive habits and mannerisms,behavior..but what are the good things that people notice about me?? I know it’s impossible for anyone to answer this question without actually being around someone but just thinking about loud...
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hey,I am offended by that. tacos are one of my favorite foods lol. O: you’re right though,on some days I am high as a kite and on some days I’d love nothing better then to slide into my deathbed and close my eyes for eternity. I have learned that it’s much better to ride the waves of my intense moods and emotions while avoid becoming overwhelmed by them or at their whim.   [End]
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oh it’s painfully obvious that I am a self absorbed neurotic moody insane depressive and self deluding bastard of all bastards that objectify and treat woman as either something to stick my wiener in or masturbate to... (: if it’s true that our actions reflect upon our current habitual emotions and how we think about ourselves,forget about all the superficial junk i whine and complain about and I often wonder what’s really going in in my sub-conscious mind and the source of all this self-inflicted torture really stems from. I know I have issues to work on and alot of growing up to ...
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so here I am..again..drunk..about to get high.Someone said that there is no depth in happiness,not saying that I am happy or anything right now but a clear conscience at least.I am not sure if it is contentment or contemptment but I don’t really need nor want anything in my life..not even love,sex or relationships or whatever..I don’t get it,I thought it was sexual confidence and the abitlity to be attractive and get the attention of the opposite sex,to be sure of my sexuality and my identity in being whom I really am..but in the end,who cares? why does it really matter? because right here ...
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