I'm mid-way thru day 44 now, and idk maybe 5 days into the harder fast - really trying to melt the fat and excess pounds off now the warm weather has arrived at last - it's the day before Christmas, did a full strong sesh of yoga and some isometric bullworker yesterday so I might lay off the exercise today and recover from that one day in between - unless I do something - just going barefoot to heal my feet and feel like a more inward day 

I've shifted this last week leading into warmer weather and the quieter holidays, haven't had to go out so much or work much at all, so I've been doing what I would do when alone in peace, long morning practices, playing piano and guitar, beautifully clean house, fixed the washer and did lots of laundry yesterday, was very energized - today I'm fasting harder, its just past 3 and I still have a white coating on my tongue, I intermitten fasted till 12 and then had a italian soda that I think was under the 50 cal mark and kept fasting till 1:30 when I finally had my first milky coffee - still kept it lower cal by subbing in 1.5 tsp of ethritol for sugar and only adding 1tsp of actual sugar - seemed like even that wasn't enough to really break the fast and now its just past 3 and I'm having the 2nd similarly low low cal italian soda so perhaps I'm still in the intermittant phase - I changed up my drinks to try and push that and also cut out sugar, so the italian soda - instead of having 1/2 & 1/2 and condensed milk or sugar - was just soda water with 2 fingers of evap milk down the shallow end of a coke glass and ethryitol instead of sugar with just a dash of condensed milk the 2nd time - so there's a great little hack to keep me in the fast stage hours longer and push it more and more - easy to get to 4pm doing that - I really wanted to cut down on the sugar more, and hadn't got the ethryitol out all this time so it's out now.  

I might do a cup of soup later - I reaslised the campbells soup has quite a bit of sugar in it as well, but maybe some types less than others, the tomato is probably the worst it's really sweet - still, I don't think a cup of that once in awhile is a bad thing - its probably better to have that than a piece of chocolate or sweet drink and maybe follow it with a herbal tea or water 

The last few days I think have been under 1000 calories with big intermittent zero calorie windows, and so far today it would be really low, under 200 calories I think - I do feel more like resting being that low and also well, I did a lot and was really energized yesterday, it's Christmas Eve and with the silly sentiments of holiday stuff and all that there is probably a slight combo of introspection, the tendency to get a bit reflective on what one doesn't have around them at holiday time & just a very calorie restricted buckle down fast I'm deep into with days of strong exercise and days off - felt more like going through my wardrobe today, downsizing and listing stuff I can sell and no longer want, and playing dress ups - seeing what I do like and coming up with some nice summer looks - had a shower and did my hair today and got dressed, not because I'll leave the house or see anyone, just to see myself in the mirror - might continue playing dress ups and listing clothes after this entry 

I am shedding weight and suprised this year by how long it's taking me and how much I packed on, I mean I didn't go up a dress size or anything, I was still wearing my size 12 clothes, they did get a little tight but I didn't think I'd got so out of shape as I was - realise it now that it's taking me longer than usual to drop it all - normally by 40 days I'd be killer lean and I still really have another 20 or 30 to go to get there, so maybe its partly that I'm older, maybe its just I had more to lose 0r a bit of both, or just the latter could be - it was a really hard long period with no heat and no way to exercise and being sick for months almost 3 months of illness as well which was intense and had me on my back most of the time when I wasn't forced to work through it.  I feel like I need to take a more strong approach to staying fit now - and that at last I will be able to again after those past 5 or 6 years of huge project work in my village.  Now the workload is much smaller and I am actually getting my life back!  Still pinching myself!  

Keep going till I get there, and when I do - stay there with intermittent fasting and exercise and a better diet - maybe I can do the 4:3 plan or rice diet and winter lots of bone broth soups and really just count my calories and stay away from the yo yo.  You can't work hard all the time - its not about being yang and pushing its about being conscious I guess and changing habits - diet is something I do need to work at because a healthy diet for me at my age is much less than what I could eat in my 20's and 30's and even early 40's - I need to lighten up and find hacks when I do go back to eating and even while fasting be mindful of the calorie count - if I pay attention after awhile I'll get to have a sense of it.