Sorry for the things I've been purging a little and writing about - it's reality for me, I'd like to have all good things to report but that's just how things are - the main thing is not to take it too seriously or let it get to you - I definately need more laughs, more belly laughs and fun and enjoyment and less dropkicks and wastoids and stupidity.  There have been a lot of cool things this last little bit - Sunday we went to another important gig and met some of the forerunners of industrial music and experimental techno connected to the Apex Twin crowd and hanging out with one of Australia's leading musciologists - there's a lot on and things are going well, yesterday I bought a new sequencer for the band and that and the new synth pedal are going to make all sorts of wild things possible - I should take the nord rack over there as well soon - still a bit frustrated by not having an office space yet or place to get all my synths out and mess with them and do heaps of desk work and print things... anyway, its all going to come good soon.  The house is getting better and better and things finally getting fixed more and more - had another Monday morning with 2 sets of tradesmen here, that was 11 days of tradies crawling all over the place drilling and banging all day and yep, more to come - 2.5 months of being here and it's been a moving site, a building site and living in a place while its being repaired throughout is utter bullshit on top of the spaces that we can't use yet... My friend and bandmate roughly kicked out one of my flatmates yesterday - tensions had been growing as the guy was hard on the gear and though we had brought him here to a great environment in the hopes it would help him clean up and get healthy unfortunately he just kept abusing the opportunity and being entitled, trashing the place, betraying our trust and doing some very stupid antagonistic and snide things which resulted in my friend being fed up enough to grab him by his curly locks and drag him outside and give him the boot.  Normally I don't like to see things like this and my friend didn't hit him or anything like that - but this time I have to say I thought he did the right thing, well right enough anway and the guy deserved it.  He was stuffing me round and trying to stay on and lying to my face and had brought a very dodgy person I want nothing to do with who he had promised not to give my home address to over here and been totally dishonest about it and got caught out in the lie - weirder still he had no reason to do that other than strange unprovoked resentment - makes no sense why he would bring that guy here and show him where I reside - wow.  One of those wtf moments when you have no idea why your long term friend is doing some whack betrayal move for zero good reason but well, people get on bad substances and I think spirits come into them and they start to do dark and illogical warped things.  Pretzel logic.  Anyway, my friend certainly expediated my request for him to get out and thank god for that - I'm glad he's gone and not coming back and will spend some energy today cleaning and smudging and doing mantra and things to smack out the weird shadow energy he left all over the place.  It feels like digging out a yucky slug thing and ugh, the energy effected us all - no one liked the vibe he was bringing over here lately it was gross, uncomfortable and yuck.  Sly and backstabbing and entitled and nasty.  Good riddance.  

There's a lot of this betrayal and self and other sabotague energy around in the Kali Yuga, anyway, I have places to be and things to do so they all better get out of my way otherwise we will just move them.  

Gosh, I remember years ago, back in the naughties - I used to have all these dreams, like every night for a year of hacking through hordes of zombies and things with a machete.  They weren't scary dreams, it was like hacking down weeds or something, there were just so many of them - this aspect of times is making me chuckle sardonically and reminding me of those dreams.  It's all just a dream anyway - be nice to have a romantic magical one - I'd dig vibing and being in that.  More where I'm at... yeah, not the shallow tinder can we hook up I don't care who you are but the magical eyes meet across the space oh my god you exist and I need to know you utterly totally wow one rare jewel in the world and there you are kind.  Lol.... Yeah peeps remember that?? We're not just sandwiches - haha full 5 course meal muthaf**ka digest that.... 

Lol... sorry for my ranting I'm in a good mood, I just shake my head at the things that are becoming so ordinary of late...  

I had a little food day 23 and 24 - eating some pho - not much just a bit of broth and a little of the meat in the soup and couple pieces of tendon - it went down much better, not sure why - earlier on in the fast when I had eaten a little bit of something a couple times it had been a little difficult - then yesterday I had half of a small hamburger and a bit of cheesy chips later which I shared with my friend and ate pretty slowly and again that went down really well - I think I needed some iron and the tendon has been total medicine - tennis elbow is much much better still have to be careful its not 100% but its greatly improved 

I do need to get to my chinese doctor for my feet, they're still bad - we had really hot weather on Sunday and I did my full yoga for the first time since late last summer and that was fantastic!  I hadn't had a warm room to do it in all this time and now its cold again today so I won't do it today, plus with the fasting my body is still recovering but it transformed my shape overnight doing that one course of yoga and I will continue now when its warm again and keep up some chi gong and isometric stuff and walking as well - I'm really starting to fit up now and a big part of that is just shedding the weight that makes you feel heavy and makes things difficult - I don't know how obese people live in their bodies, when I get chubby - say 10 or 20lbs overweight I hate it and feel like total shit - I can't imagine being at 50 or 70lbs over god I couldn't live like that, you wouldn't want to get up everything would be so much effort.  Having a light body makes everything so much easier, more flexible, less heavy less effort - it feels so good.  I don't think I'll ever stop fasting when I need to get back to that - it would be a great thing to live again in a house that was warm enough and comfortable and had a decent yoga space year round so I don't go through this seasonal thing again and again of getting knocked round so much and also not so overwhelmed with work on top of it.  I need to move toward that for myself 

I liked some things I did and learned last winter - I learned to make the most delicious nutritious bone broth chinese medicine soups and that was fantastic.  I could do a partial kind of fast in winter with those incorporated - maybe intermittent type or just more of a restricted soup diet that was decently calorie controlled - so good for you in the cold times.  Would be nice to live somewhere warm year round like Bali or India I can only imagine how well my health and yoga would go in a place like that with a chill schedule where I could keep up my yoga year round, that would be fantastic - maybe one day hey, I'll get more time like that or at least stretches and more decent residences with heat and space to keep these practices up without injuring myself or so much interruption.  

That little bit of food has taken my fasting fatigue away, I feel good, awake, energized and am going to continue on right through this month of December - sorry xmas, I am not really into all that anyway or doing anything for that except maybe getting away again to the country or camping and some quiet nature time away from the drama and bullshit of cities tenants flatmates f**kwits and people lol.  Other than that just do the best I can to keep the ship running, the bills all paid and work on the music :)  That is awesome

I am definately in the right spot to be fighting fit by feb when I go up to record - well on track more than halfway there now :)  

Really good to be fasting and in this more gentle flow of work pacing myself and having support from my bandmate and friend - was actually touched how he threw that a**hole out yesterday as much as I don't like that kinda behaviour there are times when its nice to see a guy stand up for you because he's had enough of all these losers parasiting - its a healthy sign we're getting closer to being able to leave the launchpad behind and hold our heads up and do what we have worked so hard for.  Shove off rats!  Yep - kind of inspiring 

I've been cleaning out a lot of things and people lately that aren't on the right path - wish them well but they'll do better when they get a clear message that no ones gonna put up with it and have no more doormats around - then they'll have no choice but to look at themselves or crawl off to some sewer somewhere - if that's what they're so hell bent on.  Ugh.... Laziness, the wrong kind of self cherishing, there are some really toxic things in levels of Australian culture and these guys I don't want anything to do with people that haven't come to the realisation that life is about contributing and being responsible and supporting others - not being a burden on them when you are fit and able.  Using - I'm just done with losers - it took me a long time to get to this and properly spot the difference, I'm very kind and have given people way too much of that kindness in a way that wasn't tough enough.  I don't like policing others, I don't like having to be tough, I resent it and it makes me really grumpy to have to wade thru their shit all the time pulling them up because my kind of style of politeness is not really into that - I am so much happier hanging around awesome people who are responsible and doing stuff and sharing things and ideas and working together that its been a huge burden hanging around so many of these slack uninterested and dysfunctional types that abound in the level of sharehouses I've lived in so long and the bottom rung of the creative community.  I understand we live in a degree of poverty and hardship but compared to others round the world we have opportunities so many can't even dream of everywhere and you have to have the guts dedication and courage to carve those out even if you did start at the bottom.  The amount of young men I see wasting themselves who wouldn't really lift a finger to help anyone or themsleves who squander their rare opportunities to really climb and better themselves mainly out of laziness - it probably is the greatest downfall.  If you don't have the humility to work hard and apply yourself and the backbone to stick it out and go thru the obstacles - go home I guess - yeah, get out of my way.  Hordes of them - I guess I'm growing up still at 47 putting them behind me - god won't that be a relief - can I even imagine being surrounded by a different crowd and not feeling like this all the time, constantly shaking my head at dropkicks I have to live with and manage just to exist.  Wow.  I have been disadvantaged by being abused, kicked out at 17 - having a mother with severe mental illness, a psychopath for a father - severe child abuse, then finding my friends in the alternative crowd of artists, creatives, punks, hippies, mystics, intellectuals, the people in the cracks who weren't materialistic but were often a mess - not always though, not the most functional level of society so being that I am highly functional despite all that - and had to slum it down there in the gutters of the arts world for the last 30 years to climb up to this place where I have an opportunity finally to get the hell out - not to say I haven't had a wild time, known beautiful people, done amazing things, but yeah the poverty and dog eat dog stuff the stupidity the substances, the low self esteem and broken men everywhere who don't have the vision or heart of balls to be with any of us and make a decent life together but just live wasted in endless teenage wasteland - fuuuuuuuuuck.... god am I beyond sick of this shit.  Beyond.  Beam me up Scotty!   Lol!!  

xx 

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