Growing old with Chronic Pain
We had chronic pain for many years, and now we are becoming senior citizens, and old people have new pains.
Date: 3/18/2020 2:56:20 PM ( 13 mon ) ... viewed 367 times
My time with Cure Zone, since I started reading and writing here, has been a long time, 1/4 of my lifetime. Like many of the other Curezoners, I have endured Chronic Pain - variously called amplified pain, Fibromyalgia ["Fibro"], Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
It is the "this" in "I can't do this anymore". [that one almost brought a tear to my eye!! okay, it did]
First off, we should pat ourselves on the back for surviving this long.... "I can't do this anymore" are just words, thoughts, feelings - but real life has no options and we either HAVE to keep doing it or lose the "I" by suicide, and that is not a reasonable option. Suicide is selfish, it just passes our problems on to loved ones. I regret coming so close, and I am sorry for trying].
And then have a good thought for everybody in your life who really understands what you are going through. I know - me neither, lol - NOBODY gets it. To others, chronic pain is either "not so bad" or if it is real bad then it is all in our heads. Or "god won't give us more than we can handle". Uhhhh, Hu [apologies to religious ones].
Because NOW we are growing old too. Senior Citizens. Not expected to work unless we want to. 15% off on Tuesdays. An increase in our income perhaps - what a thrill to get "slightly above poverty level old age pension + low income supplement" after all those years on disability welfare, or nothing at all [i.e. "regular welfare"]. Those15 or 20 years of trying to get a career going while becoming increasingly disabled were definately the highlight of our economic lives. Musician, Construction, Electrician, total; f**k up, and back to Musician - marriage and kids squeezed in there, climbed a few big mountains and jumped into the lake at New Years.
And then nothing but time and pain, long days and sleepless nights.
Is that the basic scenario of many here at Cure Zone? Of course, most people 'with a health problem' have a specific, verifyable, health problem or injury. Most of them do not sign in at Cure Zone.
The etiology of this "neurological" mysterious stuff like Fibro is surely known by now, they are just not telling us. I would bet my life's earnings [ha ha ha] that Fibro was caused by a man-made chemical, radiation [microwaves] or a bio-weapons test run [they still do that regularly].
I read the entire internet!! TWICE!!! [okay, just kidding]. And I see that we have made ZERO progress. There is NOTHING concerning the origins of Fibro or CFS that we did not know 30 years ago. I was 35 yrs old and now I am 65 and there have been dozens of breakthroughs and discoveries announced about Fibro and CFS.... but in reality, now, there is still nothing except addictive drugs that will give me relief, and all that research cannot tell me why or how I got this way. Maybe some of them really do slither like snakes to get reseaarch dollars.
I am suspicious, And angry. We should be angry - we only get one life to live and it was ruined by an illness that cannot be defined because there is a dark and ugly secret about expermentation, or pollution, or radiation, or Round Up,as the cause of my pains and disability, .Those chemicals are still being sold, at great profits, and poured like rain onto our food crops. I think it is Round Up, and other farm chemicals, that did it to me, as I was employed in that industry for awhile and the other workers there also developed chronic illnesses.
That was in 1975. I was disabled - uinable to work - by 1990. 15 years of employment is not enough. I had plans, I had young sons. It is painful to even just think about how much potential was lost.
Change is in the wind. The Perps are going to fight change. I am old now, but I will always be ready to embrace change.
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