everybody has their idiosyncracies. My wife comes into my office and says: "Wow, you have a lot of papers in here". While on one hand I should be grateful for such valuable info, on the other hand I ponder the change in output were I to quit feeding her.

Dear kjcmjc88,

I was just looking for ideas for my college essay when I happened onto your post. I saw that you dropped this post just a few days ago, and being a recovering wow-junkie, I felt obligated to share my experience in the hopes that it might help your marriage. I will be explaining from the male's point of view so you will have a little insight about what your husband is going through. I will in no way attempt to excuse his behavior, I believe he is wrong (for God's sakes, you've got kids man!) but I do understand what he is dealing with and I can sympathise.. boy can I sympathise.. but my advice is aimed at helping, not hurting.

Now, I am a single guy so I've never had the misfortune of allowing wow to replace any paternal responsibilities. I have however been through three breakups with the same drop-dead gorgeous girl. Srsly, she was a smoking hotty. I started playing when we were together and we were in love. Wow is INCREDIBLY addictive. It requires a LOT of time to be enjoyable. I became instantly hooked. My girlfriend at the time didnt want me to start but I did. As time went on, she experienced what you are going through right now. Eventually tensions grew between us, her complaining became irritating. She gave me a choice. You can guess what I chose.

Unfortunately, she thought that I would come crawling back. We were in love but I had a distraction, so the breakup didnt affect me in any other way besides allowed me to play more wow. I was sad and became lonely later on. If I needed consolation, I got it from my wow buddies who all told me how retarded I was after they saw her picture. God, she was beautiful. So she would call me sometimes and out of respect, I would stop playing wow to talk to her but she would get mad if she called and I kept playing becuase all she would get was, "uhh.. yah, sure.. huh? Oh, no... mmhmm.. ah.. mmhmm.. ... ... yah Im here... ... uh... what?"

After a while she would start coming back and I would miss her especially when she came over to seduce me. Omg.. anyways. We would be together for a while and I tried to get her to play wow but she wouldnt even try. So we broke up again for about six months. My job required me to travel to England for about 6 months and I didnt get to play wow at all. At first I had major major withdrawl but then it waned and I was a normal person again. I was talking to my ex again and we patched things up. When I got back things were better than ever. We were going out and doing things together, life was great.

But Im sure as you can tell by my referall to the past tense that things didnt work out in the end. No, I started up on wow again. First just late at night while she was sleeping. Then a little more and a little more, and eventually I was right back where we started. She moved away after and hasnt contacted me since. I dont blame her, it was my fault.

I no longer play wow and I refuse to touch anymore online games because apparently they are my only vice. I dont smoke or drink, but even when I see a wow commercial, my heart skips a beat, my mouth waters, and my fingertips yearn for the homekeys.

I finally quit wow when I FINALLY realised it was ruining my life. Well, I knew it was ruining my life as it was happening but I didnt care. This is important for you to know because to solve this problem, your husband has to want to quit. Until that happens there is nothing you can do.

I would suggest trying to get into the game with him, even if you dont want to. I bet he would be delighted and it would allow you to reach him. This is an alternative to leaving him and might eventually improve your relationship. I can say with confidence that his wow addiction will pass. The problem is no one knows when. If you can share with him in the game, he will probably be more open with you. It will be a means of communication for you.

I guess it comes down to how much you love him. Are you willing to meet him halfway and rescue him from the clutches of Azeroth? If so, it will take some involvement on your part. You might even get him to entertain the kids while you level up or farm gold. Its possible that he would see your need to level as a valid reason for taking care of the kids for a while.

If this isnt an option, then this would be a good time to get a divorce if that is what you want. He will probably be too wrapped up in outlands to care that you took the kids and cleaned him out. Well write back and keep me posted. Im interested in knowing how things turn out. I hope what I have shared has helped, even in the slightest.

Wishing you all the luck in the world...of warcraft...

cheers,
vgamer

My husband has played Warcraft on and off for about 3 years. The two significant times when he quit the longest were 1. when he had to work in another state (he didn't have a choice) and 2. when I started being a better wife. I know that may sound crazy, and it's not my job to keep my husband off warcraft, but I do know from experience that when I started working at our marriage, without saying anything to my husband about it, he stopped playing Warcraft.

These are the things I did:
I started trying to appreciate him and telling him so everyday.
I didn't mention anything that would be stressful to him (finances, bills, etc.)
I "flirted" with him again.
I did all the things that were important to him... kept the house clean, etc.
I tried to complement him all the time.
I genuinely stopped caring that he played Warcraft, and I stopped talking about it.

I know that may sound extreme, but I'm sharing it because I know it really did make a HUGE difference in our marriage. This lasted for about 3 months, and then I got lazy with trying. I stopped complementing as much and I got annoyed with his faults more easily again. And sure enough, within a month he was playing Warcraft again.

I think people get some sort of validation from the game. A girl I know who plays the game said the most addictive part was the "love" she got. People on the game would say, "we need you" or "we missed you" or "you're the best healer" etc.

She felt appreciated on the game more than in real life. So she chose the game. Yes, it's selfish for the people who are in your real life.

I read a book that really motivated me to make the changes I needed to as a wife called, "Created to be his help meet", and it was immediately after I read that book that he stopped playing completely. My husband would come home from work, sit on the couch, and say, "Let's spend a few hours together and talk." !!!

It was really amazing, definitely the best time of our marriage so far. The book is by Debi Pearl. She has strong opinions and it is a Christian book. Some of her opinions I don't agree with, but overall it changed my marriage for the better (well when I do what she says, my marriage is AWESOME!) and my husband plays much less Warcraft.

Nothing else has worked, at all.

It is worth trying to save your marriage. Let me know how it goes. :)

Tell him exactly how you feel, about the lonely nights, about how his ignoring you and neglect is effecting you.