If you were prescribed "the pill" for hormone reasons, it is trying to fix a hormone imbalance with the use of a drug.
A drug won't actually fix anything. The best it will do is change symptoms and make something "appear" to be fixed.
Truth is, drugs aren't designed to actually get to the "cause" of a problem, only the symptoms.
That will always leave the cause intact.
This is a basic philosophy of the medical field.
Its designed to guarantee a plethora of future customers and healthy stock portfolios for investors.
This is working because the taking of a drug will always reduce the health of a person and they'll be back to the doctor again and again.
I think the real nasty thing about a drug is how you feel when it is in the system.
And could possibly be to blame for the intimacy thing.
That would just be my opinion based on my understanding of drugs and what they do.
Think of a drug as a poison in your system, which is precisely what it is.
A doctor will always prescribe a drug because this is what they have been trained in. - Prescribing drugs.
So if it was offered by a doctor doesn't necessarily make it good.
I'm quite sure you are right on when you mentioned stress being a possible culprit.
I can see that happening.
For helping with the stress I would recommend either magnesium oil or a product called "Natural calm".
mag oil you just rub it on the skin and is absorbed transdermally.
The Natural calm was specially formulated for its absorbability and is the only product like it. It has a patent on the proprietary process that it is made with.
I think if you can "ditch the pill" and absorb more magnesium things would be better.
And also stress will burn up magnesium in the body quickly, so its a good bet you would enjoy magnesium.
Here's some information about ditching the pill - http://www.d**********l.org/

Also you may want to ask Trapper on the Iodine forum about hormone balancing.
Quite sure Iodine would be in order.
Also The Barefoot herbalist makes an herbal hormone balance product.
Good Luck.

" probably from stress cuz he got laid off work and I'm looking for work too after being home with our son the last 3 years."

Nothing turns a woman on like a good provider.

It sounds like you may have a few things going on that could be the cause of your problem:
1) I agree with those who are suggesting you could be having a hormonal problem. You've gotten some good advice on how to handle it without resorting to prescription drugs. However, if after trying natural remedies and finding no relief, then talk to your doctor. Before talking to your doctor, if I were you, I would do some googling to try and figure it out yourself. In my experience, I've found that the way to get doctors to listen to you is to say something like "I think I have______ because I'm having the following symptoms..."

2) You could be depressed. Your husband lost his job and you are looking to get back into the work force. All of that makes for some very stressful times. Along those lines, I think the comment another poster made "Nothing turns a woman on like a good provider" was uncalled for. Please ignore that.

If you are indeed depressed, it could be situational due to present circumstances. Or it could be tied into a hormonal imbalance. Again, only you can decide if that's going on. If it is situational depression, it should lift as things improve in your lives. If it is hormonal or a clinical depression, then you really need to get some help for that because it won't go away on its own.

3) Do you still love your husband? The reason I ask is that you don't want him touching you. I'm sure at one time you didn't feel that way because you did marry him. You need to do some soul-searching to see if your feelings for him have changed for the worse. If so, you also need to be aware of just what caused this to happen. Are you harboring any anger toward him for any reason? If you still love him, the negative feelings of being touched could also be tied into Depression or hormonal imbalance.

4) You mentioned that your husband was angry when you turned him down and isn't speaking to you. Is that his typical reaction to this? Does he get angry if you are physically sick and thus not up to having sex? Or is he understanding under those circumstances---even tending to you when you are sick? If he is understanding when you're physically sick, then you need to explain to him that something is going on with you right now and you are trying to figure it all out. A hormonal imbalance and/or Depression are both illnesses of sorts. Let him know all that.

Along those lines the remark another poster made "If I was that man i'd [sic] definitely find a friend until she worked on those issues." was uncalled for. We marry for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer. All relationships ebb and flow and have their good days and not so good days. If you both are at an impasse when it comes to how to handle things, then consider some marriage counseling. Sometimes it only takes a few sessions to resolve issues---especially if those issues are fleeting (job loss, illness).

I wish you good luck in getting to the root of your problems!

Of course there's a hormonal aspect to this. BCPs will shift your hormonal balance, often quite dramatically and will minimize the effects of the limited testosterone you have. Testosterone is what gives you the drive for sex and that's why men tend to have a higher sex drive. Women who have unusually high testosterone levels almost always have a very high sex drive.

Ok, well some of you have been really helpful, in a way. Except for Vance. You can suck it, dude, go post somewhere else. You're just trying to stir up trouble.

The thing is, this has really been happening since I had my son three years ago, and it's been escalating recently. No, its not that I don't want to have sex cuz he's not providing, gimme a break, who DOESN'T know someone who's been laid off recently? I just mentioned it because it obviously causes alot of stress in this house to go from him making good money to being on unemployment. So maybe that's the reason for the escalation, and maybe not. I recently had some tests done because I really feel like my hormones are out of whack. They said the tests were 'normal,' whatever that means, cuz it's not like they do baseline hormone testing to compare it to later... but whatev. I know the Pill usually knocks your sex drive down even more... I was on a progestin-only Pill for a year after my son was born. I quit taking it altogether in March of '08 because I tried 3 different Pills and they all made me a complete basket case. I agreed to try this one this time because it's a low dose. The dr asked me to try it for 3 months and then we'll see where I'm at.

That said, I will share that the night after I first posted, we ended up gettin' down ta bid-ness and it was ok. But the thing is... you know how in movies, a woman will joke that she pretended her lover was someone else? I dunno if anyone does that in real life haha... Well, for some reason I decided to pretend that I was someone else. Not anyone in particular, but someone who's pretty & has a nice body. Aaaand, it kinda worked. Which makes me think my problem is all about ME (big surprise, right?) and the way I feel about myself. Mentally. I just recently (like, 2 days ago) started working out and maybe that will help too, just the physical activity. I mean, I'm not totally gross or anything, I don't have a skewed body image. But in the last 10 years I've been on several BC methods, including the Depo shot which made me gain weight, then I was on antidepressants for a couple years and that packed on some pounds. So I'm just not happy with myself, and perhaps that's why I don't want him touching me either.

Sigh. I dunno. I suppose it's all wait and see right now because no matter what I do, nothing is going to be fixed overnight. Unfortunately. And it's most likely a combination of things. So thanks guys. I have tried looking things up online but nothing really fits. :(

to the poster who asked about my husband not speaking to me, and if that was a common thing...

No, it's not common, and the reason he wasn't speaking to me is because he thought I was mad at him for bringing up the sex thing in the first place. Sometimes I DO get pissed cuz we talk about it alot, and he knows what I'm going through and that I'm trying to change/fix/figure-it-the-hell-out, and I feel big time pressured when he brings it up. So he was avoiding me cuz he thought I was mad. hahahaha

I would be surprised of the contrary, if you had a lot of libido while having small kids. Doesn't happen that often, unless you're very young or you have a nanny, or VERY supporting relatives.

One could write many words on how motherhood does and doesn't fit with the natural sense of freedom of a contemporary woman, and how men leave us alone dealing with that. Women's rights stop where motherhood begins, for some reason hard to understand. Very humbling a thing. And if you're helped by anyone, you bet it's another woman. This is how distance takes place, for a while or for good.

But apart from that, it's as simple as this, being a mother is very demanding, both physically and emotionally, and you don't have that extra-energy. Later on, this will all come back to you as the experience will have made you probably a greater you. But not now.

I remember those same feelings with my ex husband. What I had however was the loss of respect for him. It was beyond sex, it was him.

Is that what you are dealing with?

Or it could be a poor self image.

I think you are looking for a physical fix and your situation is psychological.

Serafina was right. Marriages ebb and flow. Sex can be great for some time, and then it can be not so good. If you don't feel like having sex and are forcing it for some reason, then it will never be right.

I've been married forever. We've ebbed and flowed with the sex issue, but I remember right after my son was born sex was the last thing on my mind for about 5 years. It was hard enough being a Mom. And believe it or not, my husband was unemployed for the first 2-1/2 years of my sons life, not by his own choosing.

Our son is 17 now, and the only time we do it is when he is out of the house, which is not much, believe me.

But that repulsion thing. That's pretty intense. As I said before, sex is mostly mental for women so I think there may be some underlying issues that need to be addressed other than physical.

I don't know what happens to you but you should get rid of it immediately cause sex is the best thing on earth and it is strange to refuse such a pleasure. Maybe your problem has psychological roots?

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