next time he wants a blow job, you say:
Yes my dear, but this time you have to earn it, you will get a blow job after you make me come first.
You owe me 100 cllmaxs, it is time for payback.

My wife also gained tons of weight after having children. She was as big as a whale. Yes, I admit that I was sad when I noticed that she was not loosing that weight afterwards. Where was that sexy chick? Gone. But we still had sex. I did not have to focus on what she did not have. I know what she can look like, and I love that, not her temporary situation. Later, probably because I was never bothered by her weight, she decided to watch her foods and slowly lost all of that "baby fat". Now she looks great.

Possibly the best way for you to deal with this is to do family therapy. I recommend "Transactional analysis" ("TA"); you should be able to find some therapist who knows "TA" in your area, but be careful, a good therapist is hard to find. If you don't like a therapist, move on. They have to be genuinely interested in you and share most of your values.

I personally would not be surprised if your husband starts cheating on you. But look at him as a spoiled little child: he is bound to do all kinds of stupid things until he grows up. Therapy is the best way. If he refuses that, then he will probably learn through harsh experiences in life.

I would not worry about whether your husband is sexually attracted to you. Attraction comes from brain, not from eyes. I know many incredibly sexy looking women who I would never want to touch because of their personality. That's why I am with my wife. Looks help, but don't go very far. I don't think your husband is gay either. He is just spoiled and selfish. You need to start loving yourself. The more you work on yourself, being more introspective, the more you will appreciate yourself. Instead of focusing on your husband, try to see what you can do about yourself (your looks are least important).

BTW, I would ask my husband for a serious talk. Tell him that you don't like where your marriage is going. If he brings up your looks, ask him if he did not know that women gain weight during pregnancy; if he compares you to someone else, tell him that you are now talking about you two - he did not marry someone else, just like you did not marry Brad Pitt. Then bring up all those things that bother you: that he is showing lack of respect by suggesting that you are cheating; that he is showing lack of interest in you; that he is (probably) not helping you much around the house; that he is not the same loving guy you met and so on. If he says the same about you, you will know he is not interested in the conversation, only in arguing. You can remind him that you are trying to have a nice conversation with him, not an argument.

I wish you good luck and never to loose that loving, good part of you, even when people around you think that they should take advantage of you. Just learn to give only to those who also give back.

I agree with much in the previous post. Talking to your husband and therapy may both be a good idea to see how committed he is to the relationship. He's being an extremely selfish lover... if you can still call him lover under the circumstances. In my experience, sex reflects the relationship and I can't help but wonder if he is selfish in other aspects of your relationship.

There are several things of note here: more worrisome than just the sex is his lack of caring when you've brought up the issue. It may be that he cares and is uncomfortable confronting the situation or that he doesn't care that much. You need to find out which. If he cares and if you tell him you're worried about the marriage (if you want to go there), he'll talk or go to therapy. If he's just being a selfish jerk and you want more, this could be the beginning of the end. The cheating comment I find worrying as well: generally the people I know of who were paranoid about that were the type to do it. They were paranoid becuase that's what they would do! Big red flag if you ask me.

BTW, I love that you are confident. You can lose the weight for you, but I absolutely agree that you should not attribute the problems to your weight. Women can still be very attractive even when they're rounder than they'd like. :)

Good luck!

Here's the deal...you've got a very, very, very selfish guy there. You chose him! This is what you got. I'm a guy and I know thousands of guys and thousands of women, I'm here to tell you straight up...if a normal guy gets one of the two, blow job or straight vaginal sex...blow job wins every time. That's just a fact of penile pleasure principles. He's got you trained to suck on command and you oblige. Haven't you had enough of going down on your knees daily for this selfish bastard? Yeah, I think so. Aren't those knees aching about now? You talk to him about normal relations and he tells you to get back down there and finish him off. This is no way to treat a lady. You know enough is enough, now get up off those knees and start taking control of your life. This guy of yours doesn't respect you and it's time you started respecting yourself.

Hey, I get that...guys who want to have their erections sucked off to cllmax but won't lick your clit...that's a problem. The best marriages have both giving head, then sex, then falling asleep together with smiles on both faces. That's what it is all about. When you are giving head, then he sleeps, you're left with fingering your own clit. You masturbate, which I don't have a problem with, but if he won't finish you off or even start...you've got to go to counseling. It's that serious.