Thinking about confronting someone w... 
WanderingWinter
12 y
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Hey guys, I'm thinking about confronting someone who I caught making fun of me last night... not really sure how to go about it, but I figure if I do, at least I might be able to find out more about my particular cursed situation - I can never smell myself, just the soap/deoderant I've used. :'(
I'm currently studying a nursing degree and as part of our training, we have to go out into the community and do clinical placement within different areas of the health sector. I'm working at the local hospital and right from the very first afternoon I set through the door, the comments started... one of the doctors said he was going to leave the nursing station and go somewhere where it smelled fresher. Since then, there have been numerous comments and one nurse even walked up to me and sniffed me,then exhaled loudly. Then last night, I was doing night shift with only one other nurse - she's been bringing really strong smelling clove oil and opening the bottle up when she comes into the office. She sent me on my break and told me I should go to the staff room... I came back earlier than she expected and just as I walked back in she was laughing with the night duty manager about how she can breathe again... of course as soon as she saw me, the conversation went dead and the other woman left in a huge hurry. :'(
This is absolutely killing me - I shower 20 minutes before I go to the hospital, use deoderant, use perfume, brush my teeth... everything. I'm always well presented, but all I ever get is people being nasty to me. They don't realise I've tried soooooo many different remedies. They don't see the absolute struggle it is to get up and actually go there. I know the chances are I'll never be a nurse - my reputation will proceed me in this town and I might as well forget it. All I can really focus on is getting the degree, at least then I've achieved something.
I'm thinking about confronting the nurse who was talking about me tonight because we have another night shift together, but I don't really know how to broach it without the potential to sound like a complete idiot. :(
Ugh, this totally sucks... I don't understand this condition and why my partner/family don't smell it - even one of my lecturers told me I was imagining it. And, I've seen about 5 doctors (and been tested for TMAU which was neg) who have always said they don't smell anything. So why in the heck do I stink all the time to other people? :(
- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... InCharge
12 y
2,955
MoreThis is a reply to # 2,096,231
I don't understand this condition and why my partner/family don't smell it - even one of my lecturers told me I was imagining it. And, I've seen about 5 doctors (and been tested for TMAU which was neg) who have always said they don't smell anything. So why in the heck do I stink all the time to other people? :(
If you can't believe your partner/family, and the rest of the people who have told you that you don't have an odor problem, who would you believe?
Is it possible you have mentioned your concern to somebody in confidence, or a another nurse was in hearing distance when you were discussing it with one of the doctors,or the lecturer you mentioned?
I would think that if true in a work place scenerio somebody with authority would have talked to you about it. Especially if you dealt with their patients, or customers?
I have mentioned before that people only do to others what would bother them if done to them. I would ignore them. Letting them know that it bothers you is exactly what they want, and they will continue. Based on what you say you have been told by the people that matter to you that you don't have the problem, why give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset?
Think about it, there is no upside for you to do what your contemplating. It's a mind game. Play the percentages.
- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... WanderingWinter
12 y
2,943
This is a reply to # 2,096,256The only people I've ever really broached this with have been my partner - in the privacy of my own home, my lecturer - in a private office at a different venue over a year ago, and doctors - at my GP practice. I've never asked my family but they approached my ex husband years ago when he wasn't bathing and told him he had a problem - I know they'd do the same for me if they noticed.
I was branded "Fishy" throughout my years at high school, so I'm not imagining it. No one has said anything to my face since then, but there have been loads of occasions where people have made veiled comments. And too many times to ignore where others have said, "What's that smell?" - and I can't smell a thing, when there is generally nothing wrong with my sense of smell. I mean, how many times in someones' life can people around them comment on a fish smell which everyone seems to smell but me?! :(
You say there's no upside to approaching her about what was said last night - but at least if she admitted it, perhaps I would know that I'm not just imagining things. :(
Thanks for your comments though. :)
- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... InCharge
12 y
3,014
This is a reply to # 2,096,264
The only people I've ever really broached this with have been my partner - in the privacy of my own home, my lecturer - in a private office at a different venue over a year ago, and doctors - at my GP practice.
So you're saying That all those people lied to you? Why would they do that?
I don't have any skin in the game so do whatever you think is best. I just offered my opinion and think that the situation will come to a head eventually anyway, but at least she won't have the satisfaction of knowing that she got into your head.
I hope it works out for you.
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- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... WanderingWinter
12 y
3,194
This is a reply to # 2,096,272Nope, I definitely don't think they'd lie to me - I just feel that the odor comes out to play intermittently. And, it's probably a case of those who are around me a lot just being used to me. I'm also pretty sure that this condition is exacerbated by stress in my case.
You're right that she won't have the satisfaction of knowing that she's hurt me if I say nothing - but at the same time, perhaps she deserves to know that I'm not just blissfully unaware and lacking in personal hygiene.
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- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... #65058
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This is a reply to # 2,096,231I know exactly what you're experiencing wandering winter. My heart breaks as I read what you're going through.
Where I worked people would literally walk over to my area to sniff up the area, spray air freshners, burst out laughing and walk away. There were a few nice folks who i would talk to who would say oh I don't smell anything because they knew how tormented I was by the problem and the constant badgering by co-workers I suffered.
Lucky for me I have a family member who is very honest and would tell me when the smell got really bad (like during menstruation) and would fill up our home.
Like you I couldn't take the constant harassment anymore and decided to go to HR and explain I had this horrible condition, and could overhear these horrible comments. The HR folks can speak to them and let them know you're aware of their discomfort, you have a disorder, and you are doing all you can to correct it.
In my case the other employees denied they were doing this and I explained that they were. Rather than go back and forth with denials i asked HR to please let them know that I am aware of it. I didn't really care about the denials. I knew for a fact what they were doing.
The harassment did lessen a great deal.. They would wait til I left the area instead of belittling me to my face and that at least allowed me to get my work done. This I think would be better than confronting them directly.
- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... WanderingWinter
12 y
2,938
MoreThis is a reply to # 2,096,282Thank you - as much as it pains me to know that there are people out there who understand how this feels, it's comforting to know that I'm not alone.
I've had air freshener sprayed around me too - and feminine spray left out where I could see it. :-/ It's awful.
I wouldn't even know how to go about speaking to HR people while on my clinical placement. Perhaps I should look into that. Thank you for the suggestion.- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... #65058
12 y
3,124
This is a reply to # 2,096,293Yeah give it some thought WW. HR is there to help with certain types of grievances and it might be a case of the longer this goes on, the worse it'll get. I find at my workplace, that people will draw other people in. On my worst days, I had as many as 20 or more people coming over to my area and harassing me this way.
It's a very painful life I know. I suffer here at home around the people where I live as well as at work, so there's not much peace for me. I try to pray a lot in the hope and faith that God will hear us and will guide us out of this painful torment somehow.
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- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... neonbunny
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This is a reply to # 2,096,293hi wandering winter, my heart goes out to you and i know exactly what your'e going through; (the comment u made about the smell coming out to play intermittently was classic!) i used to go through the same crap with people coming by & sniffing, spraying air-freshener, veiled comments, to saying it was in my head because either they were ashamed of their own behavior, didn't give it much thought or i didn't smell at those times. it doesn't take much brain power figure out what's going on, especially when it happens in different scenarios. at 1st i couldn't smell myself, but it got worse later. but i have to say along with others who were successful its in your diet-it sounds crazy but i can atest to that! my self, miss fizzie, mogawaix all have very good info and you can definitely ask me anything! keep going and you will get to that beautiful place in life!- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... WanderingWinter
12 y
2,900
This is a reply to # 2,096,502Thanks Neonbunny. I would appreciate all the info on diet changes I can get. This condition has been running my life for about 19 years... and although I'm fortunate in that I've been married, had kids, etc... stuff that I've heard younger sufferers say that they fear missing out on, my relationships have always been with men who treat me as a lesser being and I've accepted it because having someone to come home to who doesn't smell anything and where I can imagine I'm like everyone else has been a kind of trade off.
As far as diet goes, I've tried vegetarianism - didn't help at all. I don't touch fish or any other seafood, which sucks because I love the stuff. :-/ The only other two factors I can think of are dairy products or Sugar - Sugar is my comforter when I'm feeling stressed and although I've tried to stop eating it, I always seem to go back to it in a moment of weakness.
My other problem is that since no one close to me seems to be able to smell anything, the only way I ever know I smell bad is when someone makes a comment. So, how do I know it's working even if I do find something that works for me?
- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... neonbunny
12 y
3,188
This is a reply to # 2,096,630yea it's weird, but it does come go and sometimes i believe stress can exacerbate it if there's something for it fuel on. be happy u can't smell it, i got to the point i could! but you'll know when your system is clean soon enough. it does take time to cycle that crap out of your system but it will go. but i am certain that choline, nitrogen (processed meats), sulfur and molds are such fuels. (i have a few posts 'to share some news' that details, i like miss fizzies success & mogwaix 'there is hope')
the foods that gave me the most problems were most baked goods, not only because of the wheat, but alot of times they weren't baked thouroughly (yes even at some stores!) or on the shelf too long; also corn; dairy; dried fruit; banana; smoked nuts & meats; super icey water/drinks; most nuts; beans; too much cabbage; alot of red met; salt water fish; anything past its due date or left out sitting too long.
when i discovered about tmau, i didn't think it had anything to do with me because i thought it only applied to a fish smell but the smell can be a # of smells. and when i got completely clean of those foods & smells i was taking a b vitamin complex & it had choline in it, the smell came back! so i found a b-complex w/o the choline.
also i started with a liver cleanse (i asked luella may on ask tony isaacs in the forums on this site) which helped me greatly, i also did a parasite cleanse just in case. i also stay regular with apple fiber (at organic roots,used to be sprout's).
it took about 8+ mos for my body to get clean, if i eat enough of the offenders the smell comes back some-but those offending foods aren't exactly clean foods anyways and aren't worth it.
- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... WanderingWinter
12 y
2,905
This is a reply to # 2,096,949Thanks for the advice - that's interesting about the baked goods especially! If dairy is a contributor, I might have to look at not eating yoghurt anymore - I eat quite a bit of probiotic stuff in the hopes it might help rather than hinder.
Will look into liver and parasite cleansing too. :)- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... neonbunny
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This is a reply to # 2,097,099yea, there's almond yogurt and there's a rice fermented drink; there's all sorts of stuff.
good health!
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This is a reply to # 2,096,231perfumes of anykind intensify the odor .these are not a cure ,a better alternative. soap-white cloud ancient clay.the citrus brand. deodorant- crystal stone. for the body- vaseline.most cream for the skin are all perfumed hence the vaseline.
- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... #137856
12 y
3,003
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J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
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This is a reply to # 2,097,037What's upsetting is when the medical community makes snide remarks about our Body Odor . They should put two and two together and realize it's a medical condition when a person goes into work almost every day smelling. Or, you're at a doctor's office and the nurses make remarks within ear shot. If we're in the doctor's office, you'd think they would have their medical analytical thinking skills to deduct it could be due to a medical problem. .- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... WanderingWinter
12 y
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This is a reply to # 2,097,048Totally with you there! It's been especially hurtful given that I'm doing a nursing degree and I'm surrounded by so called health professionals and they're so mean. :( The most hurtful thing of all was when I finished my last placement and one of the nurses in my office who had over 20 years experience and who I thought I got on pretty well with piped up as I left on my last day when my preceptor said "I hope you picked something up while you were here." and the other guy said, "Yeah, a bacterial infection." I almost died... esp when I heard them both crack up laughing as I walked down the hallway. :'(
Also had a dr laugh at me and tell me I most likely have a bacterial infection downstairs and when I told him I'd been tested before, he said he wanted to be present at my next appointment when the nurse took a swab to make sure it was done properly. I cancelled the appt when I got home.- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... #137856
12 y
3,140
This is a reply to # 2,097,101No one should have to put up with rude remarks like that from people in the medical field, because they should know better!
Hang in there, get your degree, and show them. Nurses are in demand everywhere. There are so many areas of nursing you can go into. It's just finding your little niche.
One thing I know for sure, you will be a compassionate and caring nurse. Where other nurses might make rude comments within earshot of patients with deformities or rare medical conditions, you will be there to lift them up and offer hope.
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- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... bd57
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This is a reply to # 2,096,231Its a hard thing to talk about other than to your partner which mine don't smell it either. It is absolutely frustrating hearing the comments and the gestures knowing there is nothing you can seem to do about it. She is probably gonna lie to you since you don't know her that well. She may think you could become aggressive towards her at some point so she would think the best way to avoid the bad situation is to lie. One thing for sure she would know you realize your situation and the cards would be her turn to deal, whether she be a friend or foe. Goodluck Wandering Winter- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... WanderingWinter
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This is a reply to # 2,098,215Thanks bd57. :) I've been meaning to post an update. I let it slide with the nurse in my original post, but then yesterday we had one of the visiting doctors bring her puppy in for a visit and she got called away so we looked after him in the office. When she came back, she said she was going to take him to the beach. So, she left and about half an hour later the two nurses I was working with started talking about the dog and then one of them said "he probably thought he was already at the beach, it smells like fish." I just about died, but I wasn't going to let that slide. So, I waited until it was just me and her and I asked her if the fish comment was aimed at me - she (like you said) lied and made out she was so surprised that I would think that and said she was talking about one of the other nurses from a different department who came in earlier. I told her that people had told me I had a problem in the past but that my hygiene is stellar and I can't help it. So, I made out I believed her BS excuse and was nice about it. As you say, the cards are now hers to deal - but now she knows that comments like that aren't going to fly around me and that I do notice when people say nasty things. Two more weeks to go and I'm out of that cursed place. Two weeks can't go fast enough. :(- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... bd57
12 y
2,932
This is a reply to # 2,098,229Glad your almost out I am sure there are some good people who work there too but like my job the last 25 years I think the bad people are probably more numerous. I hope your next place is as classy and gutsy as you sound to be Goodluck Wandering Winter I hope you can be happy.
- Re: Thinking about confronting someo... BhsiahRD
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This is a reply to # 2,098,229DamnRight! You have to that sometimes ! My husband tells me that allllllll the time! Don't let ppl get away with it, call them out on it. She will think twice before she does it again and plus it will make office gossip and other ppl will be careful also! High five!
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