the husband that turned out to be a ... 
mylifesux19
21 y
1,576
Everything was so perfect in the begining. Flowers and candy and lots of love. I got pregnant with my first child my daughter and it still was going well but there were some ups and downs. We gor married on valentines day 2001. Ater I had my daughter about 3 weeks. I went to the bathroom and i was looking for a certain thing under the sink and a moved the box out and there was a porno magazine i wanted to dieanwated to kill him i had so many emotions. When he came home I got in the biggest fight with him I was hitting him and screaming and going insane. I told him I would never trust him again. It got better between us but there were days Icould not stop thinking about it and we would fight. So after about a year I was watchin the tv and there was a song I heard and wanted to download it so I came into th coputer room and he closed out so fast and turned the computer off. I told him I want to go on so I can download a song. He went to go take a shower. I go on and i see downloaded stuff naked woman I was confused diddnt know what to do. I asked him he was in total denile. Fianlly after yelling at him he told me he did do that again I wanted to die so bad of naything any caouse. I beat him as hard as I could I was histerical he promissed me he wouldnot do that to me everagain. He broke that promiseiI hate him he is a pig. WE talked and again 5 days later ...today...it has happened . I want to die. I acnt stand this and the worse thing is im 3 months pregnant. I dont know what to do im 19 with a second one on the way and our rent isnt paid and I think we are going to get thrown out and i hit him so hard I almost broke my hand now Ihave to be in more pain and try to take care of a 15 month old. I dont know what do do Im so sick of being alive there is no more nice men they all traet us like objects nast masturbating objects.I wish there was someone I could talk to. Im so depressed I dont want to live anymore Im about to give up couse thats the easy way out and I have suffered if every way possible i have to many stories and to much pain and im only 19. WHY ME?
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Re: the husband that turned out to b... Ev
21 y
1,669
MoreThis is a reply to # 452,632I will pray for you, God can turn any situation around, and restore any relationship! It happens to many daily...
You can't be depressed - you have a baby to look after and a baby on the way! You need to look after yourself and your babies. If at all possible, get some vitamins + a Vitamin B complex. (It'll help your body deal with extra stress)
You also need to know that, that maybe your husband is addicted...it can happen. I was reading, the other day an article about pornography addiction. It can be more addicting than any physical drug. Then a few days later, I watching a tv program that backed up everything the article said. Talk to your husband, maybe he would like to stop with the porn? Maybe he needs some help? If he were to get help - he would definately need your support. You could go for counselling together. Some churches will offer free counselling.
Putting the whole situation into perspective might help as well. Porn is a terrible thing, can cause a major rift in marriages. It might seem like he was unfaithful, however physically he wasn't right? He is still your husband. Talk it out with him.
Oh, and please try not to hit him anymore! You might hurt him or yourself. And, your baby doesn't want to see that either. If you have the urge to hit, please hit a pillow or something.
Hope this helps a bit. Regardless, I prayed for you.Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
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- Re: the husband that turned out to b... Dot
21 y
1,968
This is a reply to # 452,632I know this will sound harsh but you are an adult and must act like one in the face of having your heart broken and anger,which is normal and understandable.As Ev said,refrain from hitting him.You might end up badly beaten if he gets tired of taking it.I'm 51 now but went thru as much as you and was near your age.I'm wanting to give you practical advice,from excperience,along with prayer.If you know there are problems in the marriage,for you and your childs sake,use protection not to concieve untill things are straigtened out.As far as why you?I heard a preacher address this question before and say"why not you"?It happens to pp all the time that don't desearve it.You must be strong for your daughter and the one on the way!How old is he?Is he old enough to know better or still growing up himself?There are many factores that play into this.But whatever,we know God is your salvation from this. It may seem hopeless now but with God all things are possiable.It appears he doesn't work steady.Do you have family or friends to turn to?Are you involved in a church fellowship where they can help you?Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior?If not,would you like to?There are great pp here that will talk to you and pray you thru this.I get the feeling you might have gotton married because you were pregnant.No judgement here because it happens to the best of pp.But that may have gotton the marriage off to a rocky road for him.It would seem that asking him to go to christian counseling would be out of the question for him.A lot of us feel like our life stinks at the moment at times.It's only human.You aren't to blame.Life can have some pretty bad twists and turns along the way.But we know God that can make the crooked ways straight.I know this seems harsh of me and I really don't want it to.But you must think of your children!God can deliver him of this addiction.Have you tried to sit and talking to him calmly about it?I know it's hard!I'm 51 and still act like a child at times.We are forgiven,not perfect.I know I can speak for us all when I say that we will be in heavy prayer for you and hubby.Preachers have fallen victim to this problem!There is no temptation but such that is common to man.I will go to sleep tonight praying for you and in the morning and thru out the day.This really hits me strong about how much prayer you need and it will be coming.Keep us up on how it's going.Things may not change overnight but you'll have so much prayer going up for you that it will be alright in time.God will never leave you nor forsake you even if at times you feel that way.We walk by faith and not by sight,or feelings or how it appears in the natural.With love for you and my prayers,Dot.
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... Dot
21 y
1,727
This is a reply to # 452,635You have really been on my heart and I'm really praying.Sorry my first post was so harsh.Love,Dot.
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... mylifesux19
21 y
1,696
This is a reply to # 452,635thank you so much you sound like a great and respectful preson. i thank you very much for even responding to my message. He is 23. and he doasnt go to churt he is a pegan i cant spell that but im a roman cathlic . i try so hard for things to be good but its hard buti know in the end i will be with god and i will be happy. i love my daughter so much and ill never let anything happen to her. i thank you so much for your prayers and time. i thank that there are people out their like you.
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... Dot
21 y
1,897
This is a reply to # 452,648Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
Came by this forum just to hear from you.23 is an adult but men do mature slower than women.Men,don't yell at me,I'm speaking in genearal here.NOBODY wants do do this but for you and your kids sake,do seek help from your local wellfare office.You can't afford to be evicted and nowhere to go.I'v been homeless before.Even when son was young and forced to live with parents and later when no place to go but at least that was only me that time.I don't know where u live but here in TX you can get help and after your baby is born and of a certain age they will send u to school to learn a trade and help u get started.You have to do what you must for these babies.I wish now that I had.Now,I'm NOT saying this marriage won't workout.You have plenty of prayer warriors on it.But first u must think of them.I awoke praying for you and have on and off thruout the day.Your very much with me.I'v been beaten a lot by husbands and didn't desearve it or ask for it is why I'm concerned if u keep losing u'r temper he may start.I have a temper also!But those just did it for no reason such as yours and porn.It is out there everywhere!He is not perverted if you think of how it is everywhere!It's very tempting to a young male.But we know the great deliverer!!!!Will pray he starts to see this as not normal and loses interest.Don't give up!Just do get some assisstance for only a little while for you and the kids if you need it.Not as a way of life tho.I got to harsh again and am sorry.Just feel very strong and concerned about someone so young with this to face.Love you with the love of our Lord,Dot.- Re: the husband that turned out to b... mylifesux19
21 y
1,538
This is a reply to # 452,649than you so very much you are such a kind person. I really appreciate for even raeding my problem. thank you so much again and im sorry about your past.
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... mylifesux19
21 y
1,538
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... Dot
21 y
1,682
This is a reply to # 452,648I just read your last reply and found something else that worries me.You are with me all thruout the day till God gives my spirit release.God puts certain pp on my heart and they stay strong untill for some reason he gives me release and it's someone else,I don't know why.I guess he has someone else that pickes it up for that person for he'll never leave u without it[Someone praying for you} as long as you ask.You said that you know in the end u will be with God and be happy.Now,we know God hates divorce,but Paul wrote{by inspiration of the holy spirit}that if the unbeliever{the monster,teasing}wants to depart,let him do so,u are not bound to such a one.I understand u'r background and if u are a devoit roman cath. it's a different story when speaking divorce.But I'll tell u up front that I don't agree with Catholsisim{sp?}Honey,I'm not saying u are not a christian.Just trying to tell you that if he will not straighten up and get delivered from this and start taking care of you and his children,you are way to young to make your mind up that you just have to put up with it and stay with him because u'r religion says so.You can let the government help you and send you to school so you will be just fine without him.God said that a man that does not take care of his family is worse than an infidel{non believer}.He might as well have a stone tied around his neck and thrown into sea.You really worried me talking like u would stick it out with him no matter what.God has given u grounds for divorce in this situation even if u'r church hasn't.I wasn't going to post this next one but feel I must now.Jesus said if u'v lusted in u'r heart after another that u'v commited adultry.I felt I should tell u since I found out u'r Catholic.So you do have grounds in God's word.I'm by NO MEANS telling you to leave him.I just feared after reading u'r reply that u would sit and put up with this abuse{yes,it's abuse}no matter what because u'r catholic.Your only 19!!!!!An adult yes,but too young to spend the reast of your life this way.What state do u live in and share a little more with us if u like.If u don't want to it is okay.Lots of prayer is going up for you and your babies and am just very concerned.Let us know what is happening and as things change.Be it for better or worse so we can try and help you.Love in Christ,Dot.
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... mylifesux19
21 y
1,731
This is a reply to # 452,656Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
hi i just read you message. im from wisconsin. well i do love him but i hate him. hes one of those people that think of something start to work hard and they almost acomplish and stop no more hes tired sleepy i dont know. its been ok for the 3 days im still mad so we talk but i told him that i dont want to kiss him and he cant kiss me and im not donna show him no affection and love in any way untill im ready. he said fine but its tuff. im trying to stick to it he cant help it so he still syas i love u to me but i dont say it back he needs to suffer and see waht he will loose if he doasnt get on his but and do what he needs to do to support his family.i wurry couse im due in march and i hope nothing goas wrong. but im working on this hard and im making him feel how he mae me feel and i tell him everyday what about money what r u doing and im on his butt now. well i hope to hear from you soon and thatnk you so much for your support.
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... mylifesux19
21 y
1,731
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... Dot
21 y
1,897
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... Dot
21 y
1,727
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... gethealthy
21 y
1,611
This is a reply to # 452,632First of all I want to say that I was really touched and heartbroken by your post because I went through a very similar situation not too long ago. It is not only you going through this.
I discovered my boyfriend was watching porn movies behind my back when I accidently came across a couple of them in his drawer while I was putting HIS laundry away. I was devastated! Why does he need to look at that when he has me? I felt cheated on, and I don't care what anyone says about how "normal" it is supposed to be for men to do that. Maybe when they are younger and curious....but once they are in a relationship I see no reason for them to be looking. They make women that they supposedly "love" feel like we have to compete with unrealistic images of other women, and like they want something else and we are not good enough.
I truly believe it is unnacceptable to GOD, and a form of adultery. "Thou shalt not covet.....". What a man thinks in his mind is powerful, even if he didn't actually touch someone else, he is doing it in his mind. It still feels almost the same to us that they have to look, because that tells us that they desire other women, which is close enough to cheating.
Honey, I feel for you and believe me I know how it feels. Luckily for me I was not married or had any kids with my boyfriend, so I dumped him and he has not even tried calling me to get me back...and it's been 3 months. And we went out for almost 6 years with him always telling me how much he loved me. So I have no idea what his problem was and my heart is broken, too, but I at least know I did the right thing. He defended his porn and called me a bitch for being "nosy" and finding it. He told me all guys do it like it's no big deal, but if it's no big deal then why do they hide it from us like they are doing something bad?? They're obviously ashamed. And they will also lie like dogs about it. Your situation is much different than mine since you are married with children. I will be praying for you, and I hope your husband will realise how much it hurts you and get rid of all that garbage. There is a lot of info on the message boards of the lifetimetv.com website under relationships about porn. Some of it really helped me and I made a great friend with another woman through those boards. Check them out.
I also hope any men that are reading this will realise how much pain they cause the woman they love by doing things like this. Please someone explain to me why if a man is in love that he still feels the need to look at pornography.- Re: the husband that turned out to b... been there done that
21 y
1,571
This is a reply to # 452,657Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
Pornography is sex without emotional baggage. Perhaps, when he is with you, he feels restricted by dignity, integrity, etc. Are you judgemental? Are you always deciding what is proper behavior or whether things that other people do are right or wrong? That would make any one feel nervous and unaccepted. They would constantly feel the pressure of having to meet your expectations.- Re: the husband that turned out to b... gethealthy
21 y
1,762
This is a reply to # 452,661No, I do not feel I come off as judgemental at all. I just think that you need to communicate in a relationship either way and let each other know what's going on. Why just "take care of it yourself" when the other person is sitting there clueless feeling like you just must not be attracted to them anymore? I just think there is a big problem when a guy goes to porn instead of his girlfriend for sex. Of course it hurts big time to find that out. I have never turned him down for sex, and I felt like I was always the one who wanted it more. I asked him years ago to buy me lingerie for Xmas or my birthday, and he acted weird about it but reluctantly did it ONCE. So after that I felt awkward about bringing even little things like that up! If anything I felt like I was more sexual than him. He only approached me like once a week, and if I tried to initiate there were a few times he turned me down, so I was afraid of more rejection after that. I had flat out told him I'm horny before, and he ignored it! He was also a heavy pot smoker (whole other problem) which is another reason I felt like he might have a lower sex drive, so I didn't push it. I accepted things the way they were until I found out he was using his sexual energy elsewhere when I am sitting here feeling deprived, thinking he just had a low sex drive.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, but we were both kind of shy and maybe some things were misunderstood. I think anything goes sexually between 2 people, and I'm not the kind to turn down ideas, but he never had any ideas or suggestions, either. So if he wanted to try something new and didn't tell me, then that's not my fault. I'm not a mind reader! His parents were both divorced several times so I think he may have also had some intimacy issues. And another problem in our relationship was that we never talked about getting married because he thinks "everyone just gets divorced anyways".
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... been there done that
21 y
1,587
This is a reply to # 452,662If he thinks that "everybody just gets divorced anyway", then, it will be obvious to him that things are not as they should be, which means that he, most likeky, will be able to understand the need for counselling. Deep down inside, he knows that he is wrong. Just approach him harmlessly, and he'll warm up to the idea of counselling.
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... gethealthy
21 y
1,633
This is a reply to # 452,663Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
Thanks for your suggestion on counseling, but he would never go, or admit any responsibility for anything, and that is why I had to move on. He actually called me a nosy bitch for finding his pornos and wouldn't even discuss it with me. And he had them right out in the open practically...like I wasn't gonna see them or say anything! We broke up 3 months ago, and he has not tried to call. So what does that tell you? It is really sad because he really has a lot of problems that I'm sure to back to his family life, and I cannot fix that or spend my life trying to change him. Especially when he was so insensitive to my feelings. As far as my situation goes, it was hopeless...and there were MANY problems, the porn was just the LAST STRAW! I just wanted to use my situation as an example for mylifesux so that she would at least not feel so alone in her pain! I pray that her situation will turn out different than mine, and that her man is more mature than mine was and will be willing to work things out with her!
I also agree that she should not hold out love from him...that will only make things worse!
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... gethealthy
21 y
1,633
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... Dot
21 y
2,027
This is a reply to # 452,662It's not ofton{tho it can be}the womans fault if the man has this problem with perversion.I think Beenthere was just bringing up possable reasons.Pot could be responsable for lower sex drive!Therefore he needs something WHEREOUT THERE so to speak to be able to really get off.{sorry about being so graffic}.Don't you gal's blame yourselves.But to lifesux,I'm not sure if denying him loving is all that good of an idea.God says hour bodies belong to each other.You don't want to push him into another womans arms now,do you.But your behavior and anger is very understandable.Why don't you try some of the ideas gethealhty did with her man!You know,being very sexy and seductive and have some fun exsperimenting in bed.The bed of a married couple is undefiled.Are you a little uptight?I'm not trying to hurt you honey,just some suggestions from an old timer.I don't mean bringing sex aides into the bed or the like.JUst spice it up!When I was pregnant I was pretty much horny{sorry}most of the time.Have u tried that?God will have to deliver him from this.I may be giving bad advice here.Just trying to help.I'm not thinking u'r at fault at all.But I don't think depriving him of the marital bed is wise hon.We'll all be lifting this up in prayer for his deliverance.Keep us informed.Love in our Lord,Dot.
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... lapis
21 y
1,562
This is a reply to # 452,664Perhaps this discusion should take place in the relation ship forum. *wink*
- Re:Lapis Dot
21 y
1,722
This is a reply to # 452,665It's true.It turned into a disscussion instead of us just taking the prayer request.But if she went there you might have them leaving their bodies to have sex in the epheiral{spel?]sphere.*wink*
- Re:Lapis lapis
21 y
1,591
This is a reply to # 452,666Sounds a lot better than being tortured by a sadistic god of your own creation.
- Re:Lapis and Dot alikat
21 y
1,547
This is a reply to # 452,666Wooopee!! this stuff is great you guys! I move to have this thread moved to the joke forum, it's better than liver flushing.
:-D- Re:Lapis and Dot lapis
21 y
1,527
- Nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I ... alikat
21 y
1,531
- Re: Nudge nudge, wink wink, know wha... Ray
21 y
1,571
This is a reply to # 452,672OK Alikat calm down, might do yourself a mischief with all this excitment, But I do know what you mean, can never figure out how things get out of hand so quickly
R- Re: Wildfire!!! alikat
21 y
1,718
This is a reply to # 452,673Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
I'm having such a good laugh. Can't allow ourselves to lose perspective here folks. Lapis just loves a good pillow fight and Dot is Texas Grillin' good. Sit back and watch the fireworks folks, that is if the Curezone squad don't decide it's too risky for our gentle eyes.
- Re: Wildfire!!! alikat
21 y
1,718
- Re: Nudge nudge, wink wink, know wha... Ray
21 y
1,571
- Re:Lapis and Dot lapis
21 y
1,527
- ***ROFLMAO*** ***WINK*** Ev 21 y 1,579
- Re:Lapis lapis
21 y
1,591
- Re:Lapis Dot
21 y
1,722
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... lapis
21 y
1,562
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... been there done that
21 y
1,587
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... gethealthy
21 y
1,762
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... been there done that
21 y
1,571
- Re: the husband that turned out to b... magicogar
21 y
1,710
This is a reply to # 452,632Sorry to say this but men do this stuff. I have a friend who she bought her boyfriend Girls gone wild and adult magazines. She knows he likes it and continues to buy him these materials. They're very opened and jokes all the time with each other. They're now engaged. I've known her for over 10 years....the guy...for 20 years. He'll go to strip bars with us and go home and give his girl the details on what we did. Sorta embarrassing but I don't really care afterwards. It was funny though. She never gets mad at him....only sometimes.
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