Well Hon first off I am sorry you ever had to experience such a horrendous thing and then on top of that your own mother doesnt believe you.

What I can tell you from years of therapy is that you will never change your parents but you can change the way you feel about yourself. It is her problem she isnot accepting this. You wont be able to change her. It took 3 years of good therapy to learn to accept my crappy mother as she is. But I have learned to love myself in the process.

Try to find a good support group or a good therapist. This is very helpful for overcoming PTSD and sexual abuse. It may be the best way for you to take back your power if you know what I mean.

Take care..Hang in there
Mel

How's it going, Sgrhunni?

Certainly you must be in a different place than when you first wrote.

I hope with all my heart that you are more content and peaceful than ever before.

It was my experience that 'forgiveness' was a bitter pill to swallow, no matter the 'sin'...and that the young are the ones expected to 'forgive'.

What a burden!

I could go on and on about the real meaning of 'forgiveness', and all the exercises available through counselors...but it may be more helpful to you if I tell you one wonderful secret that saved my bacon.

You don't HAVE TO associate with anyone! (Except your children, of course. To them you are committed for life, even if you can't yet see how to help. You must ALWAYS be available to your children. You must ALWAYS support in the most effective ways you can imagine, including keeping your mouth shut when it is wise.)

But, you don't have to even see ANYONE else.

You can create your own, new, 'circle of warmth', your own home, your own family, WITHOUT anyone from your past, if you wish.

I have continued to associate with my mom for fifty years, even though she is off in la-la land, and hasn't a clue what I'm all about.

Poor old gal, she had no family life right from childhood, nor did my grandmother before her. No one ever treated them as 'special' or talented in any way, nor the grandmothers before them, I'll wager.

In the end, all that matters is that YOU recognize your value, and create a real and loving home for your innocent babes.

You'll do the best you can, continually improving as you go. You probably won't be perfect, few of us are, but you'll always find new ways to do better.

How do I know you will? Because creating something new and beautiful is way more fun than lamenting the past.

You are always bigger than your experiences. All your life, you are potential. You are fresh possibilities...just as are your children, anyone's children.

Pick yourself up; dust yourself off; and start all over again...as often as you like.

All my best,

fledgling