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- Non-romantic Narcissist21 mon
- Friend or Narcissist?
When I started "Floating the Abyss," it was with the intention of recollecting my personal experiences with domestic violence and abuse, and how I managed to get out and find my healing path. At this point, I feel that it’s very important to recount experiences with all manners of people whose intent is to use and abuse others, for whatever purpose. I made a passing mention of this on a recent discussion forum: NPD Suvrivors, and I’m going to recount how and why this happened, again, this time.
Okay - I work at a studio. I meet all types of people, ... read more
- "But, they LOVE me!"21 mon
- Flattery as a Lure
The most common denominator in cases of domestic violence and abuse is the illusion that the victim is "loved" by their abuser to such a degree that the abuser "can’t live without" the victim, and the victim is has been thoroughly convinced that they can’t live without their abuser. Even I said the same thing, "But, he loves me so much!" This, of course, was before I understood what "love" truly meant.
An abuser, like a malignant narcissist/sociopath, has no use or understanding of what "love" is. In the World Of ... read more
- Why do I blog?22 mon
- Many reasons
This is a good question for me to answer.
"Soulful, all of your posts seem so negative and bitter. Why do you even post, at all?"
My posts may seem bitter and negative, at first glance. But, what I am hoping that readers get from my own experiences are facts and Truths that may educate them, and give them courage to either end the cycle of abuse in their own relationsip(s), or to make themselves availalbe to someone that they know who is enduring an abusive relationship.
My words, while seemingly bitter, are frank, open, honest, and utterly Truthful.&nb ... read more
- "You're CRAZY!"22 mon
- People just "don't get it"
One of the prevalent responses that victims of domestic violence and/or abuse experience is the, "You’re CRAZY!" judgement whether they remain with their abusers, or choose to leave them. Chances are that peripheral friends and extended family members are dubious about the relationship, but are completely unaware of just "how bad" the environment truly is, especially if children are involved. The victim is "crazy" for staying, yet just as "crazy" if they make the decision to leave - it’s a Catch 22 where the victim is damned for stay ... read more
- It Goes Around22 mon
- Break the cycle
Having been involved with domestic violence and abuse, on one level or another, for the past 30 years, it never ceases to amaze me at how thoroughly ignorant General Johnny Public is about this epidemic. The more prevalent domestic violence and abuse becomes, the more blind, deaf, and dumb the public seems to become. With specific regard to breaking the cycle, there is nothing more glaring than the statistical facts - facts which are amassed by emergency rooms, primary care physicians, law enforcement, etc., only because they have been reported . The violence that goes o ... read more
- "The Rant"23 mon
- Explanations and Defenses
When I made the decision to leave the abusive environment and began ”talking” to family and friends about what actually happened in our household, their disbelief was complete. Recounting specific events of threatened suicide, beatings, rape, financial ruin, emotional torture, etc., were met with little-to-no understanding or sympathy, and the majority of responses were that I had slipped a proverbial cog, and was utterly insane. The former abuser’s facade was so convincing that people honestly believed that we were the ”perfect couple,” basically because we laughed and joked a ... read more
- Accepting "Truth"23 mon
- Truth = Soul Searching
For me, one of the most difficult steps to take on my healing path was the acceptance of "Truth." Truth refers to fact, regardless of perception, fault, or blame. Truth quite simply just "is." Truth isn’t typically warm and fuzzy, comfortable, flattering, or necessarily positive, and this is where I see most people getting mired down in their exit and recovery. Accepting Truth means putting aside my ego and calling a spade a spade, whether I want to, or not.
I had to look back down my path of near-destruction and pinpoint my actions, choic ... read more
- No Contact24 mon
- What "No Contact" means and why it's vital.
When we sever a relationship with an abuser, we often exit under strained circumstances fully believing that we are the ones who are crazy. Ending any relationship with an abuser is fraught with complications, whether the relationship was platonic or romantic. If the abuser is a family member, ending the toxic relationship is even more difficult as abusers routinely make a huge fuss over blood being thicker than water and how ”family” ALWAYS supports and forgives.
”No Contact,” or NC, means exactly what it says and is one of the hardest exercises to practice to effectively cut an abus ... read more
- Forgiveness?24 mon
- Is forgiving an abuser required for me to heal?
During my years on my healing path, the subject of forgiveness has cropped up many, many times. Again, the use of CAPS is only meant to emphasize and not to be interpreted as screaming or shouting.
Is forgiveness necessary for personal healing? In my opnion which is based upon personal experience, as well as witness to other victims of domestic abuse/violence, forgiveness is a personal issue that is not to be judged by another human being. I personally do not believe that forgiving an abuser for their sins against humanity is an imperative, though many may argue otherwise.
When so ... read more
- Devoid of Empathy25 mon
- No empathy means no accountability
For me, the ability to experience empathy is priceless, though it can be grievous as well as rewarding. To imagine the feelings of others helps me to remain in touch with my humanity. Sharing in the pain and grief of others helps me to appreciate the joys and triumphs of my fellow man. This, in turn, prepares me for the same events that I. Can face grief and trials with courage and dignity, and revel in the sheer joy of Life.
The former abuser was completely devoid of human empathy. Whether he was genetically predisposed to this malady, or whether it was a learned behavior doesn’t m ... read more
- False Hope25 mon
- False Hopes and Stockholm Syndrome
A ”false” hope is an unrealistic wish that has no chance of becoming true, and becomes an emotionally paralyzing focus. False hope factors heavily into the cultivation and intense perpetuation of Stockholm Syndrome with regard to domestic violence and abuse.
Again, CAPS are intended to emphasize, and not interpreted as shouting.
So, is Soulful suggesting that maintaining ”hope” is a bad thing to do? Heck, NO! Hope can be a powerful and positive healing energy. But, ”false” hope is an emotionally crippling endeavor when an unrealistic wish becomes an internal focal point that sup ... read more
- The "Porn Factor"26 mon
- Graphic porn encourages violence and abuse
How does hard-core pornography factor into domestic violence and abuse? Again, my use of CAPS indicates emphasis, not shouting.
Human sexuality is a very interesting aspect of the whole Self. It is a fragile aspect that can be warped beyond comprehension, and the availability of in-home hard-core porn has defined the perceptions of an entire generation.
”To each his own,” is a response that many victims of domestic violence and abuse give when the question of hard-core porn in relation to sexua| activities within the relationships was raised. One woman who is still with her abuser ... read more
- Hopeless?26 mon
- As long as there is LIFE, there is HOPE
Is a situation of domestic violence and abuse entirely hopeless? No, it doesn’t have to be, but many are. Some victims screw up the courage to leave, get involved in strong healing counseling, and evolve into Survivors of incredible strength. Other victims get out of their situations only to choose another abuser. Those who remain in their situation remain victims for the rest of their lives and dissolve into organisms that feel that they are worthless and ”deserving” of the abuse that they endure. Still others try to get out, only to have their courage extinguished by murder.
The ... read more
- Entitlement26 mon
- Domestic violence, domestic abuse, family violence, fraud, entitlement
”Entitlement” occurs when someone feels that they deserve something that they may, or may not, have earned. It’s very normal and appropriate for us to feel that we’ve earned something and are, therefore, entitled to it. A job opening ia available, and Ms C has been an honest and dedicated employee, and deserves the promotion. Mr H is is awarded the position, even though he has less seniority and a questionable track record - Mr H meets a certain criteria and Ms C has every reason to feel that she was ”entitled” to the promotion. However, Ms C also knows that Life is not guaranteed to b ... read more
- Abusers & Pets26 mon
- Pets are expendable
One of the most disturbing aspects of my personal experiences was how the former abuser seemed to ”love” animals, and yet used them to terrorize and/or punish my children and me.
When we began dating, I was riding in competetive equestrian events and had trained my Labrador Retriever as a gun dog for duck hunting. I also had cats, was a docent at a city zoo, had volunteered at a humane shelter, and I had a deep and abising love for all animals and a clear understanding that human beings are stewards of Nature, and not owners.
The former abuser acted as if he was supportive and encou ... read more
- Turning Point26 mon
- Choosing my own path
A ”turning point” is something that provides a personal epiphany - an event or episode causes us to rethink and make a decision or choice. It’s probably called a ”turning point” in reference to a fork in our Life’s Path - one way goes off to the left, and the other heads off in the other direction. Nobody can make that choice for us and we are ultimately responsible for which direction we choose. For victims of domestic violence and/or abuse, we are constantly presented with these options and the mere act of making our own decisions can be almost paralyzing. How often is a victim remin ... read more
- Exit Strategy26 mon
- Getting out
My posts go back and forth without any specific timeline, I know. As things occur to me, I’m compelled to share my personal experiences, and the experiences that I’ve been witness to so that others may learn and Survive. Proper planning and execution of an ”exit strategy” is crucial, and the most perilous event for a victim.
Simply running for it has been successful, but it’s not recommended, especially if there are children involved. Setting details in order PRIOR to the exit should involve a safety network, and absolute secrecy - ir is imperative that friends, family, and children ... read more
- Predictability & Familiarity26 mon
- Predictability and familiarity breeds apathy
One of the insidious reasons that victims remain with their abusers is that their lives have, for the most part, become ”predictable.” The cycle plays itself over, and over, ad nauseum. In my case, I knew that any lulls in the abuse and violence would be followed by a predictable pattern. The abuser would believe that I was exerting independence if I wanted to engage in church functions, have lunch with a new friend, or refused to engage in his sexua| perversions. The tension would build and he would become sullen, extraordinarily critical, and verbally cruel. My inability to stop the ... read more
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Add Blog To Your Favorites! An average person’s journey from domestic violence into peace and safety. more...
Last Activity: 21 mon ago
43 Messages Last message 21 mon ago
17 Comments Last comment 21 mon ago
viewed 40,192 times
Created: 27 mon Mar 16 2011
Comments (10 of 17):
Re: Non-romantic N… Soulf… 21 mon
Re: Accepting "Tru… Soulf… 23 mon
Re: Accepting "Tru… Athin… 23 mon
Indeed, no remedy.… Soulf… 25 mon
Re: False Hope kerminator 25 mon
what the heck?! SoulfulSu… 26 mon
ACK! Double post… Soulf… 26 mon
Re: Fear and Explo… womba… 26 mon
This IS a touchy s… Soulf… 26 mon
Powerlessness of C… Soulf… 26 mon
All Comments (17)
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