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Day 4
Rainbows, puppydogs and sunshine...
Date: 1/25/2008 12:42:38 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1555 times No SWF today.
Some hot lemonade this morning instead of coffee. I was never a coffee person...I mean, I love a good cup but I can take it or leave it. I was never interested in the caffeine thing...in fairly good spirits.
I am sleeping SO well lately. I had such insomnia issues. And when I could sleep it wasn't good sleep. I've heard people say they have trouble sleeping, but for me it's the exact opposite. I'm getting tired when I'm 'supposed' to and sleeping through the night. Hootie Hootie and Huzzah!
Kind of had a desire for toast this morning...it passed. It always does.
I've decided just to roll with the punches...sink into this life like it's a fluffy pillow...calm down, relax, stop trying to control everything outside of myself (as it's futile anyway). Perhaps that's been the problem all along, I felt so out of control inside, that the only way I could compensate was to attempt to control the external, thinking the latter was less work.
It's not. It's self-destructive and pointless.
For all my bs'ing about how much work I do inside, I really don't, I just roll the same rock around 1000's of times over. Sure, I feel like I'm doing something, I feel like I'm accomplishing but what I often end up doing is kidding myself.
That's not to say that I've not had major breakthroughs and done the tough stuff, but more often than not it's precipated by outside circumstances, I resist and resist until the world forces me to look. And we all know that those are the most painful, abrupt, shocking transformations to make. Sure they get you there, but the difference is like travel. Say you have to get to England and you can do it by either swimming or by flying. Well either way, you're going to get there, but why not do it the easy (ier) way? Why not do that for yourself? Why not enjoy the ride instead of struggling the whole way. Especially when you have the ability to CHOOSE?
I'll work it all out, and I'll find my way. There are a few things that I'm apprehensive about, but instead of seeing them as obstacles, I'm choosing to see them as brief moments of apprehension, say, of a specific issue, not as an overarching blanket of fear that invades everything in my life, how I think and how I see and thusly relate the world.
These moments are only that, moments. And there are millions of them in a day.
This too shall pass.
:)
Ciao
kiki
Incidentally, I truly hope all who are reading this are finding their way, as well.
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