Magic Carpet Ride!

or not

Date:   10/25/2006 12:02:26 AM   ( 18 y ) ... viewed 2143 times

I sometimes get insane with magical thinking, thinking some odd event/synchronicity is a 'sign' regarding what needs to happen in my life. Like I have to make a b.m. at a seemingly inopportune time and start thinking "This thing I was gonna do till I had to do a number two wasn't meant to be. this must mean God is telling me to pursue a new career cuz I'm following my ego with this one." Or some equivalent nonsense. Just another habit to surrender while being whittled down to whatever I actually am. People I know have been walking up to me and saying rather mean, unsolicited things, i.e. telling me I look nice and asking who I'm trying to impress, bringing up supposedly humiliating events from my past and laughing like it's a cute joke between us... I care less who is in my life and this freedom seemingly alarms people and makes them want to take shots at me. They can keep firing away. Fortunately, I trust in God and even though I feel defeated at moments when I want to say something but the words don't escape me, I know that it's best to trust that God's taking care of everything and what other people think really doesn't matter cuz how impressive are the functions of the human brain anyway?

I can give Johrei now!!! I'm a member! I'm having some tremendously powerful experiences, too tired to go into all of them. It feels GREAT to finally feel like I can be useful and of service in a way that is palatable and simple.

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